It’s been a rough week. A few days ago I tripped just walking on the street & fell down & bloodied up my knee & my hand. (No I was not inebriated, which makes it even sadder that I was this clumsy) I pulled something in my arm working out yesterday. I got upset with someone who I don’t like to be upset with. Most importantly, one of my best friends passed away.
I got a call last Monday morning from my friend’s cousin telling me he passed away the night before in the hospital. As I stood there in shock outside of St. Pat’s a wave of emotions overflowed & I could not hold back the tears. I tried to hold it together at work but in the end I had to leave. I went home & cleaned & did laundry & did anything to not think. I’ve gone through all the emotions & it seemed like everyday I felt a different way. Today I have finally decided that I need to get the crazy out of me & write.
Eight years ago I met a guy named Jason at Pop Rocks. It was one of my favorite places to go back then. Nothing but pop music played & I spent many a Thursday night there. I was busy doing a breakdown to one of my jams at the time when this guy was trying to get my attention. To no avail he started chatting with my friend Krizia & asked her about me. He would always go on to tell people that I didn’t pay him any mind when he tried to hit on me. But once I did I was smitten. It was hard not to notice him. He was beautiful & all the boys loved him. He had an energy about him & if I had a dollar for every friend I’ve had in the years that had a crush on him I would have a LOT of money. He was my first real boyfriend here in the city. It’s funny to look back at the pics of us. Nights at the Roxy, him wearing glitter, me with my natural hair color. Even when we ended our relationship it was on good terms. He would become one of my best friends that I have had while living here in NY. My friends here in NY have been my family & losing him has been like losing a little piece of my heart that I can not get back.
It’s weird to think I won’t hear his voice again. I found myself scrolling through texts just so I could read them. He was loved by so many people & he made an impact on so many lives. Reading the posts on his facebook page was hard as well as all the pics that were posted. I’ve done my best to think about all the good times & not be angry that I won’t have any more of these. We did a lot of growing up together. When I went through my tumor he was one of the many that supported me & was there when I needed him for anything. But, that’s just the kind of guy he was. He was a wonderful dancer. He was an awesome cook. He was an extremely talented architect. He loved his dog Gem more than anything. He was a generous soul. He was so many things.
For the first few nights I couldn’t sleep well. Dream after dream would occur. One of them was so vivid & it felt so real. We were upstairs at the Roxy. We were with all of our mutual friends. We were young. Dancing & having a good time & no care in the world. The dj was playing Love Affair by Kylie which happened to be our favorite song then. As I looked around seeing all my friends I noticed someone was missing. ”Where’s Jason?” I asked over & over & then it was like all of a sudden I realized & woke up.
Now that I’ve had some time to process everything that dream makes a little more sense to me. It marked a time in my mind that I will always cherish. So that is how I want to think about him. He’s somewhere dancing & forever youthful & nothing can harm him. He’s just waiting for us to get there.
Here in the moment I belong
In a waking dream
The night is young
But isn’t long
If you know what I mean
Oh it’s beautiful
The thought of what might be
Close your eyes so you can see
I am only here for a little while
Would you like to take me out tonight
Maybe we could talk for a little while, baby
Now we’ve only just begun
We’re running out of time
I don’t want to think about the sun
No not tonight
Oh it’s wonderful you being here with me
Close your eyes so you can see
I am only here for a little while
Would you like to take me out tonight
Maybe we could talk for a little while, baby
Don’t hold back it’s time for a love affair
Take my hand lead me to anywhere
Maybe there’s something in the air, baby
Together here, Together now
In the moment that we met
Remember here remember now
It’s too easy to forget
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
For You, For Me... A Funhouse
Somewhere along the line, October came & slapped me in the face with excitement. I realize this blog was due weeks ago but I’m just now trying to catch up so go back with me a little bit if you may. I got to see Pink at MSG which was awesome & that word could definitely be used for some of the concert goers there. There was a ride range of people from your str8’s to your gays to your lesbians to women who looked they had either been on a Rock of Love show or had at least auditioned for it. At one point a girl behind me was yelling out, “I freaking love you Alicia!” Another goes, “Who is Alicia?” She responded, “That’s Pink’s real name bitch!” Totally saying it in a Rock of Love I had too many tequila shots kind of way. Amazing, and the same can be said for Pink. Baddest str8 lesbian pop singer around. My highlights were ‘Family Portrait’ done with just the piano & I loved the acoustic section with ‘I Don’t Believe You’ & some other tracks. She did a few too many covers which left me wondering why she didn’t do some other of her older songs but I still had an amazing time. Her cover of The Divinyls ‘I Touch Myself’ was uber sexed up & I loved it. All in all a really fucking awesome show! Sorry, my inner lesbian came out.
No lesbians could be seen at my next show a week after. It was gays galore at Kylie Minogue’s show at the Hammerstein Ballroom. I had been looking forward to her show for months because this was her first time touring in the states ever. I had met her at a Virgin megastore signing during the release of Fever & as I think I have stated many times before I’ve been a fan since she came out with ‘The Loco-Motion’ in 88. For me, the show was absolutely great. I had made my way to the front with my friend Danny. Somehow everyone else got really far away from me, but when it comes to getting close to a diva I tend to lose all my peeps. Musically, the show was brilliant. She took portions from all her past shows (which I have on DVD) and put them into this show. I can also say this was the gayest show I’ve seen from any of my divas. There were boys dancing with boys & girls dancing with girls while Kylie sang her heart out. There was even this whole locker room scene with the guys that got us all hot & bothered. Highlights (besides these) were ‘The Loco-Motion’, ‘Confide In Me’, “The One’….oh hell I loved the whole damn show. I look forward to her coming back to perform again. She apparently was at a club I went to on Halloween with Fergie but I did not see her. Then again, I was too drunk for my own good so who the hell knows.
Ahhhhh Halloween. It wasn’t as great as the year before but don’t think I didn’t have a good time. We started out at my friend Dana’s house party. So many of my friends were dressed as ladies it was hilarious. Brad as a Hooters girl, Rob as crazy Britney with pink wig was tons of fun. I was incredibly proud of Scott running around in a cape & just his undies looking like a devil. Vadim was dressed as well an even crazier version of himself than normal. For once I actually had on more clothes than them. I know, this is shocking. It was to me too. I was going for this whole 80’s sports work out but got everything from that to ‘Are you an 80’s porn star?’ to are you trying to be a certain friend that shall remain nameless. By the end of the night though the wig had come off, shirt barely tucked in my tiny shorts with jock strap peeking through. Where are these pics you ask? Haha I managed to escape those for once.
We had a Halloween soiree at work as well a few days later & the theme was to be a rock star…. living or dead. My co-worker Sophia came as Rick James, complete with ho’s(back up singers) & she looked amazing! We had Wayne & Garth, Tupac & Biggie Smalls, Pat Benatar, The Blue Brothers, Theo as this ultimate rock star… there were so many good ones. I had no idea what I would be but then at the last minute used the wig to my advantage & came up with the idea of a Beach Boy with shorts & tank top. Turns out I wasn’t the only one with that thought which was cool. I asked him if we were getting the band back together. And speaking of band, we had one performing for us & they were also getting people to sing. My co-worker Morgan rocked out some Pearl Jam that I was not ready for. Absolutely fricking awesome. Craig worked it out but I was expecting him to be brilliant anyway since he is also a musician. I sang ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis & I totally forgot what it was like to sing with a band. The hoots & hollers & yells definitely helped & next thing you know the dude told me I should sing some more. Well 4 more songs later it was like a mini Nick concert. Absolutely awesome & to even have one of the grouchiest people who works here come up & smile & say ‘You’re such a good singer!’ was a shock. Well after feeling like a rock star & way too many drinks I found myself at an after party one of the band members had told us about.
Now here is where things got scandalous. It should be said that I don’t act crazy at work unless it’s just a few of my crew & we have some drinks after work in an office on a random Friday. But, I was dancing with married ladies & dipping them across the floor. Before, some of you think this is going somewhere don’t! The husband was nearby totally digging it. If anything they probably had an even better time once they got home alone lol. At one point I may have rolled across a floor & broke out into a dance breakdown. Maybe. My shirt may have come off at some point. Ok, so it did. Luckily there are no pics of this but a certain Creative Director tells me he took a video of it. I haven’t seen it but maybe I should scour youtube for it hmmmm. Anyway, it was a blast that’s for sure. The next morning I was just sure I was going to be embarrassed to see everyone but one by one I was praised & people calling & saying, “Most of the time things with co-workers are lame & people are all shy & you just killed it.” What I killed I am not sure but I do love that I brought some excitement. The head of our production department now refers to me as a rock star & was like ‘I had NO idea you had that in you.’ But those that KNOW me know it was only a small part of how I normally get down. I told him, “It’s either go hard or don’t go at all.” It’s not like I live this way everyday of the week. The whole beginning of the week is spent work, gym, home, watch my shows on tv & then repeat. I rarely even go out for drinks unless it’s someone’s birthday. It just me being chill. But when I’m ready to get down, watch out. Because for you, for me…. I like to make it a FUNHOUSE.
No lesbians could be seen at my next show a week after. It was gays galore at Kylie Minogue’s show at the Hammerstein Ballroom. I had been looking forward to her show for months because this was her first time touring in the states ever. I had met her at a Virgin megastore signing during the release of Fever & as I think I have stated many times before I’ve been a fan since she came out with ‘The Loco-Motion’ in 88. For me, the show was absolutely great. I had made my way to the front with my friend Danny. Somehow everyone else got really far away from me, but when it comes to getting close to a diva I tend to lose all my peeps. Musically, the show was brilliant. She took portions from all her past shows (which I have on DVD) and put them into this show. I can also say this was the gayest show I’ve seen from any of my divas. There were boys dancing with boys & girls dancing with girls while Kylie sang her heart out. There was even this whole locker room scene with the guys that got us all hot & bothered. Highlights (besides these) were ‘The Loco-Motion’, ‘Confide In Me’, “The One’….oh hell I loved the whole damn show. I look forward to her coming back to perform again. She apparently was at a club I went to on Halloween with Fergie but I did not see her. Then again, I was too drunk for my own good so who the hell knows.
Ahhhhh Halloween. It wasn’t as great as the year before but don’t think I didn’t have a good time. We started out at my friend Dana’s house party. So many of my friends were dressed as ladies it was hilarious. Brad as a Hooters girl, Rob as crazy Britney with pink wig was tons of fun. I was incredibly proud of Scott running around in a cape & just his undies looking like a devil. Vadim was dressed as well an even crazier version of himself than normal. For once I actually had on more clothes than them. I know, this is shocking. It was to me too. I was going for this whole 80’s sports work out but got everything from that to ‘Are you an 80’s porn star?’ to are you trying to be a certain friend that shall remain nameless. By the end of the night though the wig had come off, shirt barely tucked in my tiny shorts with jock strap peeking through. Where are these pics you ask? Haha I managed to escape those for once.
We had a Halloween soiree at work as well a few days later & the theme was to be a rock star…. living or dead. My co-worker Sophia came as Rick James, complete with ho’s(back up singers) & she looked amazing! We had Wayne & Garth, Tupac & Biggie Smalls, Pat Benatar, The Blue Brothers, Theo as this ultimate rock star… there were so many good ones. I had no idea what I would be but then at the last minute used the wig to my advantage & came up with the idea of a Beach Boy with shorts & tank top. Turns out I wasn’t the only one with that thought which was cool. I asked him if we were getting the band back together. And speaking of band, we had one performing for us & they were also getting people to sing. My co-worker Morgan rocked out some Pearl Jam that I was not ready for. Absolutely fricking awesome. Craig worked it out but I was expecting him to be brilliant anyway since he is also a musician. I sang ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis & I totally forgot what it was like to sing with a band. The hoots & hollers & yells definitely helped & next thing you know the dude told me I should sing some more. Well 4 more songs later it was like a mini Nick concert. Absolutely awesome & to even have one of the grouchiest people who works here come up & smile & say ‘You’re such a good singer!’ was a shock. Well after feeling like a rock star & way too many drinks I found myself at an after party one of the band members had told us about.
Now here is where things got scandalous. It should be said that I don’t act crazy at work unless it’s just a few of my crew & we have some drinks after work in an office on a random Friday. But, I was dancing with married ladies & dipping them across the floor. Before, some of you think this is going somewhere don’t! The husband was nearby totally digging it. If anything they probably had an even better time once they got home alone lol. At one point I may have rolled across a floor & broke out into a dance breakdown. Maybe. My shirt may have come off at some point. Ok, so it did. Luckily there are no pics of this but a certain Creative Director tells me he took a video of it. I haven’t seen it but maybe I should scour youtube for it hmmmm. Anyway, it was a blast that’s for sure. The next morning I was just sure I was going to be embarrassed to see everyone but one by one I was praised & people calling & saying, “Most of the time things with co-workers are lame & people are all shy & you just killed it.” What I killed I am not sure but I do love that I brought some excitement. The head of our production department now refers to me as a rock star & was like ‘I had NO idea you had that in you.’ But those that KNOW me know it was only a small part of how I normally get down. I told him, “It’s either go hard or don’t go at all.” It’s not like I live this way everyday of the week. The whole beginning of the week is spent work, gym, home, watch my shows on tv & then repeat. I rarely even go out for drinks unless it’s someone’s birthday. It just me being chill. But when I’m ready to get down, watch out. Because for you, for me…. I like to make it a FUNHOUSE.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Fast Love with Boys, Boys, Boys
It’s fall here in the city & there is more than a hint of chill in the air. The chill has found it’s way to my bedroom as well. It’s hard to believe that summer was just a few weeks ago. The summer was full of delicious scandals which by now I can’t even remember why it was so delicious. It’s like it was a blockbuster for one weekend & then was not talked about by the next because there was a new hotness to discuss. There were tons of new friends made & I was just sure that they would make the fall season premiere episode. But, just like ‘Tori’ on Saved By the Bell they were quickly nixed & more attention was paid to the core cast. (Even if some members HAD dropped off the face of the earth) What has somehow been consistent & a story line that has spilled over from summer would be what is my love life.
Boys boys boys
We like boys in cars
Boys boys boys
Buy us drinks in bars
Boys boys boys
With Hairspray and denim
Boys boys boys
We love them!
Now some of you may some may scoff & roll your eyes & say this topic is no different than any other season in your life Nick. Boys in the morning, boys in the evening & boys at suppertime. You have boys to warm you up in the winter, boys that try to give you golden showers in the spring (to that I say ewww never!) and boys that you trip over trying to get to the next one in the fall. To this I say, “Whatevs bitches, you don’t know me!” What I am confused about is this trend that started shortly before my bday. Somehow everyone I have met that I have been interested in has had a boyfriend. In the beginning I didn’t mind at all. I think I welcomed it actually. It was a perfect example of let me get mine, you get yours so you can get the fuck out.
Looking for some education
Made my way into the night
All that bullshit conversation
Well baby can’t you read the signs?
I won’t bore you with the details baby
I don’t even want to waste your time
Let’s just say that maybe
You could help to ease my mind
Baby, I ain’t Mr. Right
But if you’re looking for fastlove
If that’s love in your eyes
It’s more than enough
Had some had bad luck
So fastlove is all that I’ve got on my mind
I’m not the only one with this opinion. In a city where the next brand new hotness is just down the street it’s so easy to not get caught up over someone. Especially if you have already done the relationship thing & it hasn’t worked out. I was talking to a friend the other day & asked how his date went. Virtually shrugging he said, “Eh, it was ok but I don’t need to take it any further.” And it is kind of true. You can see where something is going pretty early on & if it isn’t going anywhere then there is no need to string something(one) on. I probably sound jaded. Most of my friends probably sound the same way. I know it’s a far cry from my desperate to be in love state in my mid twenties. I’m just trying to explain how I didn’t mind meeting the hot guys with bfs…. at first.
Hey there sugar baby
Saw you twice at the pop show
You take just like glitter
Mixed with rock and roll
I like you a lot lot
Think you’re really hot hot
I’m not loose, I like to party
Let’s get lost in your Ferrari
Not psychotic or dramatic
I like boys and that is that
Love it when you call me legs
In the morning buy me eggs
Watch your heart when we’re together
Boys like you love me forever
Boy after boy & especially around my bday I was meeting guys that either had bfs or were semi-attached. There was one occasion I think I was used to make someone jealous. Which is something I’m not shocked about. What did shock me was somehow I was attracting these guys one after one. 7 guys later I have to say I’m annoyed. A few weeks ago I was talking about this matter with some friends having pre-drinks at my apt before we went out. Then, we go out & a really hot guy started to kick his game with me. After investing a whole 15 minutes in him (it may have been longer), I thought to ask him a question. ”Do you have a boyfriend?” He stopped and goes, ‘If I did, would that be a problem?” I rolled my eyes & said politely for him to get the fuck away from me. Ok, so it wasn’t polite & I probably looked like I was bucking for best dramatic actor at a gay club opening. But people, seriously the count is at 8! Meanwhile, my dating life over the past year & a half has been almost a blank slate. It’s a sad thing when you realize that you’ve had more ‘dates’ with an ex than you have actually had with other people.
In the absence of security
I made my way into the night
Stupid cupid keeps on calling me
But I see nothing in his eyes
I miss my baby, oh yeah
I miss my baby tonight
So why don’t we make a little room
In my BMW babe
Searching for some peace of mind
Hey I’ll help you find it
I do believe that we are practicing
The same religion
You really ought to get up now
It’s funny that recently I have totally missed those feelings of having someone there to count on other than myself. Those feelings like I wasn’t alone & had someone that actually loved me. I got the news that I would go back on medication to stop the seizures from happening again. Which I’m ok with. But, I was told that there is still basically a tumor left in my brain. They had gotten the majority of it but could not get the smallest bit of it so basically they have to monitor it & make sure it doesn’t grow. If it does, then I would have to go through radiation therapy or have surgery again. So please picture my face when I got this news. I feel like all of this should’ve been told to me properly a long time ago but somehow it wasn’t. But to avoid sounding like an angry crazy person about to go on a Kanye rant, I look at it like this: I’ve been fine since the tumor was removed (most of it) & I had one little set back. I will not let it get me down & just keep doing what I do. I can’t worry about what the future does or does not hold. I’ll end up missing the present. I’ll keep looking for affirmation. Hopefully this also means that the ones with bf’s will not be looking for me. I may not be looking for Mr. Right but somehow I need something a little more than Mr. Right Now.
Boys boys boys
We like boys in cars
Boys boys boys
Buy us drinks in bars
Boys boys boys
With Hairspray and denim
Boys boys boys
We love them!
Now some of you may some may scoff & roll your eyes & say this topic is no different than any other season in your life Nick. Boys in the morning, boys in the evening & boys at suppertime. You have boys to warm you up in the winter, boys that try to give you golden showers in the spring (to that I say ewww never!) and boys that you trip over trying to get to the next one in the fall. To this I say, “Whatevs bitches, you don’t know me!” What I am confused about is this trend that started shortly before my bday. Somehow everyone I have met that I have been interested in has had a boyfriend. In the beginning I didn’t mind at all. I think I welcomed it actually. It was a perfect example of let me get mine, you get yours so you can get the fuck out.
Looking for some education
Made my way into the night
All that bullshit conversation
Well baby can’t you read the signs?
I won’t bore you with the details baby
I don’t even want to waste your time
Let’s just say that maybe
You could help to ease my mind
Baby, I ain’t Mr. Right
But if you’re looking for fastlove
If that’s love in your eyes
It’s more than enough
Had some had bad luck
So fastlove is all that I’ve got on my mind
I’m not the only one with this opinion. In a city where the next brand new hotness is just down the street it’s so easy to not get caught up over someone. Especially if you have already done the relationship thing & it hasn’t worked out. I was talking to a friend the other day & asked how his date went. Virtually shrugging he said, “Eh, it was ok but I don’t need to take it any further.” And it is kind of true. You can see where something is going pretty early on & if it isn’t going anywhere then there is no need to string something(one) on. I probably sound jaded. Most of my friends probably sound the same way. I know it’s a far cry from my desperate to be in love state in my mid twenties. I’m just trying to explain how I didn’t mind meeting the hot guys with bfs…. at first.
Hey there sugar baby
Saw you twice at the pop show
You take just like glitter
Mixed with rock and roll
I like you a lot lot
Think you’re really hot hot
I’m not loose, I like to party
Let’s get lost in your Ferrari
Not psychotic or dramatic
I like boys and that is that
Love it when you call me legs
In the morning buy me eggs
Watch your heart when we’re together
Boys like you love me forever
Boy after boy & especially around my bday I was meeting guys that either had bfs or were semi-attached. There was one occasion I think I was used to make someone jealous. Which is something I’m not shocked about. What did shock me was somehow I was attracting these guys one after one. 7 guys later I have to say I’m annoyed. A few weeks ago I was talking about this matter with some friends having pre-drinks at my apt before we went out. Then, we go out & a really hot guy started to kick his game with me. After investing a whole 15 minutes in him (it may have been longer), I thought to ask him a question. ”Do you have a boyfriend?” He stopped and goes, ‘If I did, would that be a problem?” I rolled my eyes & said politely for him to get the fuck away from me. Ok, so it wasn’t polite & I probably looked like I was bucking for best dramatic actor at a gay club opening. But people, seriously the count is at 8! Meanwhile, my dating life over the past year & a half has been almost a blank slate. It’s a sad thing when you realize that you’ve had more ‘dates’ with an ex than you have actually had with other people.
In the absence of security
I made my way into the night
Stupid cupid keeps on calling me
But I see nothing in his eyes
I miss my baby, oh yeah
I miss my baby tonight
So why don’t we make a little room
In my BMW babe
Searching for some peace of mind
Hey I’ll help you find it
I do believe that we are practicing
The same religion
You really ought to get up now
It’s funny that recently I have totally missed those feelings of having someone there to count on other than myself. Those feelings like I wasn’t alone & had someone that actually loved me. I got the news that I would go back on medication to stop the seizures from happening again. Which I’m ok with. But, I was told that there is still basically a tumor left in my brain. They had gotten the majority of it but could not get the smallest bit of it so basically they have to monitor it & make sure it doesn’t grow. If it does, then I would have to go through radiation therapy or have surgery again. So please picture my face when I got this news. I feel like all of this should’ve been told to me properly a long time ago but somehow it wasn’t. But to avoid sounding like an angry crazy person about to go on a Kanye rant, I look at it like this: I’ve been fine since the tumor was removed (most of it) & I had one little set back. I will not let it get me down & just keep doing what I do. I can’t worry about what the future does or does not hold. I’ll end up missing the present. I’ll keep looking for affirmation. Hopefully this also means that the ones with bf’s will not be looking for me. I may not be looking for Mr. Right but somehow I need something a little more than Mr. Right Now.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Divas Live
Last night I was able to attend Divas Live at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. I had scored some casted seats & I brought my friend Chase as my guest. For years I have been hoping they would bring back the show. I had always watched it since the first one in 98. I have so many favorite moments from the years:
Mariah running around with big hair Making It Happen, singing Chain Of Fools with Aretha, Aretha looking like she may just eat every diva on the stage as an appetizer, Carole King just singing for all she’s worth even though you can’t hear a peep out of her mouth, Celine beating herself in the chest because she is the greatest singer in the world, Shania rocking some really hot pants
Cher, Tina & Elton bringing the house down, Tina & Elton having their own semi bitch fight while bringing the bitch back, Whitney sweating like she had done rails of coke for days (oh wait she probably had)
Mariah opening the 2000 show with Heartbreaker/Love Hangover, her whole Supreme’s number with Diana Ross (broken dress straps & all), Destiny’s Child when they were undergoing their whole line up change
Wait! With the way I’m talking you would think I am only eating up the drama of it all. Ok don’t we all? But what it really is all about is the singing. So when I found out who I was gonna get to see I was very excited. I have followed Leona Lewis since she started on X-Factor (thank goodness for you tube). I was loving some Bleeding Love MONTHS before she had even released it here. I actually like her version of A Moment Like This better than Kelly’s. I’ve been a fan of Kelly since the beginning of Idol. The whole Breakaway album was amazing. One of my favorite songs by her has to be Sober because that came to be my anthem for 6 months after the whole tumor situation. Chasing Pavements was my theme song as well when I was trying to look for an apt in the first few months of 08. Adele’s album is absolutely brilliant & I hope the follow up is just as wonderful. Jordin Sparks is a wonderful talent in her own right as well. Her new single is quite infectious as well. The gays LOVE some Jennifer Hudson! When I saw Dreamgirls the night it opened in the Ziegfield theater it was like watching a Broadway show. People clapping & cheering & standing o’s at the end. Then there was Miley Cyrus. Wait, hold up, what? Is someone pulling my leg? I always wanted to get to 6 foot but just missed it unless I’m wearing my big boy shoes. It was like that classic phrase ‘One of these things is NOT like the other’.
So when Chase & I got there everything was a little disorganized & we were waiting around for seats for a while. Then someone asked us if we wanted to be down in the pit. Now mind you, my shoulders STILL hurt (yes 3 weeks later) & I wasn’t sure about standing the whole time. Also, Chase is about 8 feet tall so he didn’t think that would work out. BUT, we did it anyway & can I say it was totally worth it. We got to see everything up close & very personal. From Paula’s opening of dancing to old hits & lip-syncing her ass off to The Desperate Housewives going on & on while Chase was right behind them. The stage seemed quite small even though on tv it looks a little bigger. The set looked wonderful & the dancers were wonderful. We were able to see plenty of celebs. My fav had to be my man Ryan from True Blood. LOVE that Aussie accent! Our pit coordinator Kiki kept trying to get some of the people in the pit to be more crazy. At one point she told a bunch of kids that the need to fake it like how Meg Ryan faked it in ‘When Harry Met Sally’. I bursted out laughing when they all had blank faces. I looked at her & reminded her that they were not old enough to even know that movie. I have actually never even seen that movie but just knowing that made me feel old. I looked at one of the kids & asked who they were there for. A bubbly little blonde girl squealed ‘Miley!!!!’
Ok so I have to be honest I have liked some of her songs. See You Again, The Climb, Fly On the Wall & Party In The USA are really catchy. She annoys me but the kid is 16. I was probably just as annoying at that age. So imagine my surprise when she came out & performed. Her voice leaves a little to be desired BUT she sang everything live. Which seems to be a hard task for others. She mingled with the audience & I really liked her duet with Sheryl on If It Makes You Happy. How cheeky that she got to sing the line about ‘I still get stoned’. I’m sure parents & the blogs will comment about that. It kind of makes me like her more. Guess I’m gonna have to come out of the closet now. Yep, I like Miley Cyrus. I still think she’s got years to become a diva but to each his own.
Some gays on the other side of the pit went buh nan uzzz when Jennifer Hudson came out. She opened with Spotlight & I love that song. She looked great & fresh with a little baby weight. When she performed with Stevie I was semi bored because I didn’t know the song. Then, they started riffing & breaking it down & I began to hoot & holla! When she was done she was really humble & gave the gays her love.
Jordin Sparks got the crowd excited with her new single S.O.S. She was looking all glammed up & posing & strutting on the catwalk. She is definitely coming into her own. Her duet with Martina McBride was really beautiful as well & they both sounded wonderful.
Kelly Clarkson came out in a lovely green dress to do her newest single Already Gone. It sounded really nice. I loved the whole acoustic vibe of it. Much will be said about her weight. I saw her on the cover of Self magazine recently & once again I don’t know who that person. She must have eaten Kelly bc that girl on the cover was way slim. But whatevs, Kelly likes to eat & she is a good role model showing that you don’t have to be stick then & look like those bitches from the Hills. When they came out I was bored to tears. I can not stand those girls & they have no talent what so ever. So to Kelly, Rock ON! And that is exactly what she did when she closed the show with Melissa Etheridge, who I am a BIG fan of. Mmmhhmm that’s right, this gay can get his inner lesbian rock star on when he listens to her. So I was actually jumping up & down when they went into Bring Me Some Water. It was awesome & a perfect way to end the show.
Adele was the only one who came out & said hello to everyone before the beginning of the show. She really seems like a lovely girl & I was hoping that she would do Hometown Glory. It’s one of my favorites from the album & I’m so glad she did it. She sounded amazing & barely got the last note out because everyone was yelling so loud. Her duet with India Arie was awesome & I enjoyed it immensely.
I have to say Leona was my personal favorite because I simply love her voice. The new single is destined to repeat a #1 success, mark my words. She looked stunning & flawless & I especially liked the dancers for this number as well. It was very fitting. Her duet with Cyndi Lauper was awesome. This was the same arrangement that Cyndi did on Idol with that rocker chick & I loved being able to hear it live. Cyndi is timeless & she’s gonna be 90 yrs old still singing about some True Colors. But it’s all good because she’s bad ass like that.
I was hoping I would be able to take actual pictures throughout the show but alas, security wasn’t having it. So the only time I managed to snap away was the end when they were all standing together. At least I have it in my memory and it is on tv so I can watch over & over to see myself. I watched a little when I got home & you can see Chase throughout the whole thing. I had an awesome time & so glad that I got to go.
Mariah running around with big hair Making It Happen, singing Chain Of Fools with Aretha, Aretha looking like she may just eat every diva on the stage as an appetizer, Carole King just singing for all she’s worth even though you can’t hear a peep out of her mouth, Celine beating herself in the chest because she is the greatest singer in the world, Shania rocking some really hot pants
Cher, Tina & Elton bringing the house down, Tina & Elton having their own semi bitch fight while bringing the bitch back, Whitney sweating like she had done rails of coke for days (oh wait she probably had)
Mariah opening the 2000 show with Heartbreaker/Love Hangover, her whole Supreme’s number with Diana Ross (broken dress straps & all), Destiny’s Child when they were undergoing their whole line up change
Wait! With the way I’m talking you would think I am only eating up the drama of it all. Ok don’t we all? But what it really is all about is the singing. So when I found out who I was gonna get to see I was very excited. I have followed Leona Lewis since she started on X-Factor (thank goodness for you tube). I was loving some Bleeding Love MONTHS before she had even released it here. I actually like her version of A Moment Like This better than Kelly’s. I’ve been a fan of Kelly since the beginning of Idol. The whole Breakaway album was amazing. One of my favorite songs by her has to be Sober because that came to be my anthem for 6 months after the whole tumor situation. Chasing Pavements was my theme song as well when I was trying to look for an apt in the first few months of 08. Adele’s album is absolutely brilliant & I hope the follow up is just as wonderful. Jordin Sparks is a wonderful talent in her own right as well. Her new single is quite infectious as well. The gays LOVE some Jennifer Hudson! When I saw Dreamgirls the night it opened in the Ziegfield theater it was like watching a Broadway show. People clapping & cheering & standing o’s at the end. Then there was Miley Cyrus. Wait, hold up, what? Is someone pulling my leg? I always wanted to get to 6 foot but just missed it unless I’m wearing my big boy shoes. It was like that classic phrase ‘One of these things is NOT like the other’.
So when Chase & I got there everything was a little disorganized & we were waiting around for seats for a while. Then someone asked us if we wanted to be down in the pit. Now mind you, my shoulders STILL hurt (yes 3 weeks later) & I wasn’t sure about standing the whole time. Also, Chase is about 8 feet tall so he didn’t think that would work out. BUT, we did it anyway & can I say it was totally worth it. We got to see everything up close & very personal. From Paula’s opening of dancing to old hits & lip-syncing her ass off to The Desperate Housewives going on & on while Chase was right behind them. The stage seemed quite small even though on tv it looks a little bigger. The set looked wonderful & the dancers were wonderful. We were able to see plenty of celebs. My fav had to be my man Ryan from True Blood. LOVE that Aussie accent! Our pit coordinator Kiki kept trying to get some of the people in the pit to be more crazy. At one point she told a bunch of kids that the need to fake it like how Meg Ryan faked it in ‘When Harry Met Sally’. I bursted out laughing when they all had blank faces. I looked at her & reminded her that they were not old enough to even know that movie. I have actually never even seen that movie but just knowing that made me feel old. I looked at one of the kids & asked who they were there for. A bubbly little blonde girl squealed ‘Miley!!!!’
Ok so I have to be honest I have liked some of her songs. See You Again, The Climb, Fly On the Wall & Party In The USA are really catchy. She annoys me but the kid is 16. I was probably just as annoying at that age. So imagine my surprise when she came out & performed. Her voice leaves a little to be desired BUT she sang everything live. Which seems to be a hard task for others. She mingled with the audience & I really liked her duet with Sheryl on If It Makes You Happy. How cheeky that she got to sing the line about ‘I still get stoned’. I’m sure parents & the blogs will comment about that. It kind of makes me like her more. Guess I’m gonna have to come out of the closet now. Yep, I like Miley Cyrus. I still think she’s got years to become a diva but to each his own.
Some gays on the other side of the pit went buh nan uzzz when Jennifer Hudson came out. She opened with Spotlight & I love that song. She looked great & fresh with a little baby weight. When she performed with Stevie I was semi bored because I didn’t know the song. Then, they started riffing & breaking it down & I began to hoot & holla! When she was done she was really humble & gave the gays her love.
Jordin Sparks got the crowd excited with her new single S.O.S. She was looking all glammed up & posing & strutting on the catwalk. She is definitely coming into her own. Her duet with Martina McBride was really beautiful as well & they both sounded wonderful.
Kelly Clarkson came out in a lovely green dress to do her newest single Already Gone. It sounded really nice. I loved the whole acoustic vibe of it. Much will be said about her weight. I saw her on the cover of Self magazine recently & once again I don’t know who that person. She must have eaten Kelly bc that girl on the cover was way slim. But whatevs, Kelly likes to eat & she is a good role model showing that you don’t have to be stick then & look like those bitches from the Hills. When they came out I was bored to tears. I can not stand those girls & they have no talent what so ever. So to Kelly, Rock ON! And that is exactly what she did when she closed the show with Melissa Etheridge, who I am a BIG fan of. Mmmhhmm that’s right, this gay can get his inner lesbian rock star on when he listens to her. So I was actually jumping up & down when they went into Bring Me Some Water. It was awesome & a perfect way to end the show.
Adele was the only one who came out & said hello to everyone before the beginning of the show. She really seems like a lovely girl & I was hoping that she would do Hometown Glory. It’s one of my favorites from the album & I’m so glad she did it. She sounded amazing & barely got the last note out because everyone was yelling so loud. Her duet with India Arie was awesome & I enjoyed it immensely.
I have to say Leona was my personal favorite because I simply love her voice. The new single is destined to repeat a #1 success, mark my words. She looked stunning & flawless & I especially liked the dancers for this number as well. It was very fitting. Her duet with Cyndi Lauper was awesome. This was the same arrangement that Cyndi did on Idol with that rocker chick & I loved being able to hear it live. Cyndi is timeless & she’s gonna be 90 yrs old still singing about some True Colors. But it’s all good because she’s bad ass like that.
I was hoping I would be able to take actual pictures throughout the show but alas, security wasn’t having it. So the only time I managed to snap away was the end when they were all standing together. At least I have it in my memory and it is on tv so I can watch over & over to see myself. I watched a little when I got home & you can see Chase throughout the whole thing. I had an awesome time & so glad that I got to go.
Monday, September 14, 2009
VMA's 09
I haven’t been excited for the VMA’s in a long ass time. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or because they don’t show videos really anymore but MTV to me hasn’t had me on the edge of my seat in quite some time. But this year, it had me bursting with fruit flavor as if I was one of those kids that needs a haircut. You know, the hairdo that has taken over for young men in their teens & early twenty’s. If I tried to grow out my shit I would just look like I’m trying to be on Divas Live.
But look at me, getting away from the topic at hand and trying to make it all about me. What a douchey thing to do right? So lets discuss this years VMA’s. When the show opened and showed a woman that seemed recognizable I was like who is this? Then I realized it was my queen M and her new face. I thought her speech was great about Mike but for a hot second I thought that she was going to introduce Janet. Which to me would have been major drama considering they do not get along. Needless to say it didn’t happen but when the tribute happened I thought it was some awesome dancing & I only wished I could be up there moving & shaking with all of them. Everyone was on point, even thought the one dancer during the Smooth Criminal segment looked like he may fall over at any given moment. But props to him I have never been able to do that lean & have always wondered how Mike did it. Then the beginning of Scream & I began to squeal with delight. No Janet didn’t sing it live but those were redone vocals. When it came time for the breakdown I couldn’t help but get a little sad because I remember Michael commenting back in the day that he loved getting in a room & dancing with his sister. And even though he wasn’t there…. in a strange way it was like he was. A very touching tribute indeed. I gotta add seeing Tina dancing along side Janet was awesome, as well as J Lo’s ex Cris Judd.
Russell Brand makes me giggle & I think he’s a good host. No need to apologize about past comments about Bush & purity rings. I can’t help but think those purity rings are just another name for cock rings. Then again, I am a dirty bitch. Luckily it was time for all my ladies to do some battle. Best female video. It was either gonna be my girl Beyonce or my crazy bitch that I live for GaGa. Then outta nowhere Taylor Swift! What?! I was shocked. I have her cd & I like her songs but I was just sure it was gonna be B or GaGa. Clearly I wasn’t the only one. EVERYone is talking about the antics of Kanye & I hate to jump on the bandwagon but that motherf*cker continues to annoy the shit out of him. I like some of his music but I swear he is forever saying some shit or bawling over not winning an award. This one wasn’t even his to win. He wasn’t even featured in any of the songs. WTF Kanye? You’re a grown ass man, older than me mind you ; ) and you have to take the mic away from a sweet 19 year old southern girl? Taylor reminds me of every girl I went to high school with or knew back in the south. She’s quite simply put, a girl’s girl. All the girls would want to be her friend & all the boys would follow her around. She never says anything bad about anybody & in his moment of stealing hers I found myself saying, “Fuck him, you deserve that win. You have the best selling album of 2009 so far.” Then like 10 minutes later she was going to perform. I wondered how she would handle it. For most teens it may have posed as too much. But she got up there (or should I say down there) and did her thing. I was like how did they get no one to crowd 6th Ave at 42nd? It made me wanna dance & sing & act a fool on the F. I used to take that train everyday for work. Too bad it wasn’t that festive all the time.
When it was time for Gaga I was on the edge of my seat. The set was amazing & it looked like something straight out of the theater. I love the song & her dancers were balletic & on point. I saw quite a few dancers I recognized from So You Think You Dance. The piano playing was nice & then came the ‘blood’. I live for her Pop Art but this whole look of I just started my period on stage left me a little queezy. I found myself saying out loud, “Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?” Her costumes throughout the night continued to be insane & that whole froc at the end when she won best new artist left me scratching my head. But I lived for your props to the gays & I find myself jealous of Perez for being your gay bf when I’ve been a fan way longer than he has. Gaga, I’m your biggest fan… I’ll follow you until you love me. Even if it’s some messy bloody coochie-azzi. (Ummm just saying that I feel I need a bath)
Pink is the baddest lesbian straight chick out there. I love her & I always have. Massive props to that whole acrobatic but still singing live performance of Sober. I have a slight fear of heights & all I could think of if that was me I would have dislocated my shoulder right then & there. I’m going to be seeing her live next month so I can’t wait to see her for that for her show. It’s sure to be awesome.
People seem to either hate or love Beyonce but I’ve been a fan since she busted out with some No, No, No back in 98 with Destiny’s Child. And I HAVE to say B killed it during her performance. I liked the whole singing live bit for the beginning and then breaking that shit down. Recently my friend Kareem was telling me about how hard it is to do the choreography to that song AND sing live. Mind you this was just for karaoke at a bar so just imagine how that’s upgraded for the VMA’s. Clearly B felt the same way because once she started dancing those backing vocals kicked in. Later, B took off the Sasha Fierce cap & replaced it with her Halo by giving Taylor her due. Clearly, B IS A CLASS ACT & Kanye needs to check his huge Ego & learn something from this wonderful lady.
I didn’t really care about the other performers. Yes, Green Day is cool but I don’t live for em. That other band, The Muse…..ok. I took a pee break. The whole Twilight phenom is lost on me. I was bored to tears during that movie. I prefer my vampires on True Blood. But when that chick asked what team you were on I felt really dirty for saying I am on Team Taylor since that kid is like 16 with the body of a man. Eminem’s new face scares me & I’ve been over him & all his hype for quite some time. I was excited to see Brit win. I hope she celebrated with some cheetos & a frappachino & some sexy times. I was bored during Jay-Z’s performance & kept saying, “Pull up your pants!” Alicia did a nice job & looked gorgeous. Then all of a sudden I saw a little midget tranny run upstage to literally try to do a gangster pose. Oh wait, that’s just Lil’ Mama. Ummm Lil’ Tranny, your lip gloss ain’t popping no mo. So sit your ass down.
There it is, my 2 cents worth. Big ups to all the ladies. Showing that you don’t have to be divas all the time & let everyone have their moments. Now I need to get back to work. I’m gonna be attending the Divas Live concert this Thurs so you can best believe I’ll be giving my 5 cents worth on Friday. Have a great week everyone!
But look at me, getting away from the topic at hand and trying to make it all about me. What a douchey thing to do right? So lets discuss this years VMA’s. When the show opened and showed a woman that seemed recognizable I was like who is this? Then I realized it was my queen M and her new face. I thought her speech was great about Mike but for a hot second I thought that she was going to introduce Janet. Which to me would have been major drama considering they do not get along. Needless to say it didn’t happen but when the tribute happened I thought it was some awesome dancing & I only wished I could be up there moving & shaking with all of them. Everyone was on point, even thought the one dancer during the Smooth Criminal segment looked like he may fall over at any given moment. But props to him I have never been able to do that lean & have always wondered how Mike did it. Then the beginning of Scream & I began to squeal with delight. No Janet didn’t sing it live but those were redone vocals. When it came time for the breakdown I couldn’t help but get a little sad because I remember Michael commenting back in the day that he loved getting in a room & dancing with his sister. And even though he wasn’t there…. in a strange way it was like he was. A very touching tribute indeed. I gotta add seeing Tina dancing along side Janet was awesome, as well as J Lo’s ex Cris Judd.
Russell Brand makes me giggle & I think he’s a good host. No need to apologize about past comments about Bush & purity rings. I can’t help but think those purity rings are just another name for cock rings. Then again, I am a dirty bitch. Luckily it was time for all my ladies to do some battle. Best female video. It was either gonna be my girl Beyonce or my crazy bitch that I live for GaGa. Then outta nowhere Taylor Swift! What?! I was shocked. I have her cd & I like her songs but I was just sure it was gonna be B or GaGa. Clearly I wasn’t the only one. EVERYone is talking about the antics of Kanye & I hate to jump on the bandwagon but that motherf*cker continues to annoy the shit out of him. I like some of his music but I swear he is forever saying some shit or bawling over not winning an award. This one wasn’t even his to win. He wasn’t even featured in any of the songs. WTF Kanye? You’re a grown ass man, older than me mind you ; ) and you have to take the mic away from a sweet 19 year old southern girl? Taylor reminds me of every girl I went to high school with or knew back in the south. She’s quite simply put, a girl’s girl. All the girls would want to be her friend & all the boys would follow her around. She never says anything bad about anybody & in his moment of stealing hers I found myself saying, “Fuck him, you deserve that win. You have the best selling album of 2009 so far.” Then like 10 minutes later she was going to perform. I wondered how she would handle it. For most teens it may have posed as too much. But she got up there (or should I say down there) and did her thing. I was like how did they get no one to crowd 6th Ave at 42nd? It made me wanna dance & sing & act a fool on the F. I used to take that train everyday for work. Too bad it wasn’t that festive all the time.
When it was time for Gaga I was on the edge of my seat. The set was amazing & it looked like something straight out of the theater. I love the song & her dancers were balletic & on point. I saw quite a few dancers I recognized from So You Think You Dance. The piano playing was nice & then came the ‘blood’. I live for her Pop Art but this whole look of I just started my period on stage left me a little queezy. I found myself saying out loud, “Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?” Her costumes throughout the night continued to be insane & that whole froc at the end when she won best new artist left me scratching my head. But I lived for your props to the gays & I find myself jealous of Perez for being your gay bf when I’ve been a fan way longer than he has. Gaga, I’m your biggest fan… I’ll follow you until you love me. Even if it’s some messy bloody coochie-azzi. (Ummm just saying that I feel I need a bath)
Pink is the baddest lesbian straight chick out there. I love her & I always have. Massive props to that whole acrobatic but still singing live performance of Sober. I have a slight fear of heights & all I could think of if that was me I would have dislocated my shoulder right then & there. I’m going to be seeing her live next month so I can’t wait to see her for that for her show. It’s sure to be awesome.
People seem to either hate or love Beyonce but I’ve been a fan since she busted out with some No, No, No back in 98 with Destiny’s Child. And I HAVE to say B killed it during her performance. I liked the whole singing live bit for the beginning and then breaking that shit down. Recently my friend Kareem was telling me about how hard it is to do the choreography to that song AND sing live. Mind you this was just for karaoke at a bar so just imagine how that’s upgraded for the VMA’s. Clearly B felt the same way because once she started dancing those backing vocals kicked in. Later, B took off the Sasha Fierce cap & replaced it with her Halo by giving Taylor her due. Clearly, B IS A CLASS ACT & Kanye needs to check his huge Ego & learn something from this wonderful lady.
I didn’t really care about the other performers. Yes, Green Day is cool but I don’t live for em. That other band, The Muse…..ok. I took a pee break. The whole Twilight phenom is lost on me. I was bored to tears during that movie. I prefer my vampires on True Blood. But when that chick asked what team you were on I felt really dirty for saying I am on Team Taylor since that kid is like 16 with the body of a man. Eminem’s new face scares me & I’ve been over him & all his hype for quite some time. I was excited to see Brit win. I hope she celebrated with some cheetos & a frappachino & some sexy times. I was bored during Jay-Z’s performance & kept saying, “Pull up your pants!” Alicia did a nice job & looked gorgeous. Then all of a sudden I saw a little midget tranny run upstage to literally try to do a gangster pose. Oh wait, that’s just Lil’ Mama. Ummm Lil’ Tranny, your lip gloss ain’t popping no mo. So sit your ass down.
There it is, my 2 cents worth. Big ups to all the ladies. Showing that you don’t have to be divas all the time & let everyone have their moments. Now I need to get back to work. I’m gonna be attending the Divas Live concert this Thurs so you can best believe I’ll be giving my 5 cents worth on Friday. Have a great week everyone!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Erase and Rewind
Hey, what did you hear me say
you know the difference it makes
what did you hear me say
Yes, I said it’s fine before
I don’t think so no more
I said it’s fine before
I’ve changed my mind
I take it back
Erase and rewind
’cause I’ve been changing my mind
I’ve changed my mind
Hello everyone. I meant to blog weeks ago. I had all these things that I wanted to devote a couple blogs to and then something else came up & put me for a loop. I still plan on doing these blogs but for now I’ll discuss the events at the end of August. Picture it. Bamboo 52. I’m hanging with my friend Jaime on his bday & I decide to make it an early night. I had went out the night and had a good time & I actually didn’t feel like making it a long night. I also decided to have just one drink, no need to get crazy. So by midnight on a Friday night I was in bed waiting to get my sleep on. A first in quite some time and when I woke up at 2:30 (just a few hrs later) I thought it was much later. Looking at the clock I realized hardly any time had gone by but somehow I felt like my body had literally fought a war. My shoulders were in a bit of pain & when I went to the bathroom & looked at my tongue I freaked out. I had clamped down on the left side of it & it was all red. Looking at my shoulders I was confused because they felt like they were dislocated but they didn’t appear that way at all. Not being able to barely move either one of them I decided I should get myself to the ER. It was in this moment I thought that I had had a seizure in my sleep & in this moment I feared the absolute worst. Had the tumor grown back?
I tried to remain composed as I told the nurses & the doctors what had happened & I told them all about my history. They asked when the last time I had a seizure was & I told them almost 2 years ago when they discovered the tumor & took it out. So they decided to do a CAT scan of my head & x-rays of my shoulders. I couldn’t help but kind of freak out even though I was trying to remain as calm as possible on the outside. The nurse told me that I seemed so calm. I told her that it may appear that way but on the inside I was going nanners. My words exactly. It was like I was instantly transported back to ‘07. When I went through it the first time everything was new & I had no idea what to expect. This time it was like all of those fears & feelings hit me at once. The thought of going through all of that again was too much to take. I thought about how other people who have gone through something similar must feel. People who have beat cancer or something else & then the thought of it coming back. The place your head goes when these thoughts happen is a scary place. Then, the dr came back with my results. She said that nothing showed up on the CAT scan & the x-rays didn’t show any dislocation of either shoulder. She even suggested that maybe I had not had a seizure at all. In that quick second I thought maybe I had in fact gone nanners.
So I left & went home. Still in pain. Still wondering what the hell had happened. By the next day the place on my tongue turned black & it hurt to eat. My shoulders were still in major pain & I could not move them above my head. I had to call out of work the next day & I went to my dr. He gave me anti-inflammatory meds (which have NOT worked) & we did blood work. It was gonna be a few more days before I could do the MRI so I was just left to wonder what would happen. This lead to me reading too much stuff on the web. I tried to take it with a grain of salt. I started reading about things that cause seizures. It of course said tumor and I of course wanted to think of something else. It then mentioned alcohol withdraw. I couldn’t help but laugh. I was like, “WTF?! Was my body mad at me because I decided to stay in on a Friday night & not drink? Was my head confused? Did that internal clock say it is 2 am Friday night & there should be some alcohol in my system?” I hope that gave you all a giggle because my dr looked at me & semi-laughed when I brought it up to him. In a dry kind of way he said, “Mr. Padron that is not meant for you. That’s meant for people who drink a bottle a day for 20 years & then all of a sudden stop.” I looked at him & said, “Oh.”
Next was my MRI & as always I felt a little claustrophobic being in it. I swear that thing feels like a coffin. So for 30 minutes I tried to think happy thoughts & just look forward to it being over. Earlier that day my regular dr had told me that the results of my blood work came back fine but I had definitely had a seizure. He said that the normal blood count in someone’s muscles was 100. Mine had come back at 1100! That explained why I felt like I had fought a war & at least I knew I wasn’t crazy & I knew I had had a seizure. This whole thing had put a major damper in my Labor Day Weekend plans. I had originally planned on going out to Fire Island & hanging with my boys & probably drink a little too much & flirt WAY too much. Now it wasn’t gonna happen. My poor arms looked like I had been hanging with Amy Winehouse while on a bender & the bruise on my arm looked like I had been on too many dates with Chris Beat Her Down Brown. Basically I looked like a HOT MESS.
So where did you see me go
it’s not the right way, you know
where did you see me go
No, it’s not that I don’t know
I just don’t want it to grow
It’s not that I don’t know
I’ve changed my mind
I take it back
I decided to hang with my Sober Sister Ej on Fri & Sunday night. We danced a lil at the Ritz. Mind you, my dancing was highly tamed down. As in I could only do my interpretation of some hips don’t lie because I sure as hell couldn’t raise them arms. On Saturday night I went to go see 9 to 5 for the second time. Big thanks to Chase for that. I ended up having a wonderful time. I was going to be the date to one of Allison Janney’s friends. When I got there I immediately was surprised because I had seen her in a lot of films but didn’t know her name. I told her I saw her in tons of things & she said all sly, “Oh stop! I haven’t been in tons of things!” I said, “You lie, I saw you in a movie just the other day!” She smiled & we became instant besties. When the show was over I went with her to hang with the cast & I was so excited. I’m a big fan of the show & I’ve always loved Allison in everything I’ve seen her in. It’s funny because now all week I keep seeing Octavia (new bestie) in tons of movies that have been showing this week. Legally Blonde 1 & 2, Beauty Shop, Miss Congeniality 2 & Spider Man just to name a few. Mind you, I’ve had a lot of alone time on my hands. A lot of time to chill basically. A lot of time to re-evaluate things. Sunday was calm as well & by the night Ej & I just bar hopped & ended up at Xes doing karaoke. Once again, I couldn’t give my all to it but vocally I was ripping up some Poker Face. If I could have done the acoustic version it would have been utter hotness. By the next day I thought hmmmm maybe this whole not drinking thing really does wonders for my voice lol. On Monday I had a nice time at a BBQ at my friend Eric’s new place & I had a few drinks but nothing major. For those of you worried, I asked my dr if he thought I should lay off the sauce & he said I should be ok but not to get too crazy. Another good reason I did not go out to Fire Island because I know what it is out there.
Finally, a few days ago my dr called me & told me the results of the MRI. He said everything looked good. It was in fact better than it had been since the last time I had an MRI done. He said the seizure was most likely from scar tissue. My next thing I have to do is to see a neurologist & find out if I have to go back on medication for seizures. I hated the stuff before but as I look at my poor arm & as it is still in pain, all I know is that I don’t want to have to deal with this again. I don’t want to get into a fight with myself & lose. So just send happy thoughts my way. It’s like I’m fricking Shelby from Steel Magnolia’s. There’s all these things I want to do but my poor body won’t let me. Meanwhile, I’m too headstrong & stubborn & the not being able to go to the gym & take dance classes has highly frustrated me.
But instead of being an uber bitch like I have been all week I will remain positive & take each day at a time. Try new things. I’ve been walking in Central Park for some kind of walking exercise & the time alone is kind of amazing. I also went to the library today & checked out some instructional cds on learning Spanish. It’s all apart of my new plans to do some new things. I’ll keep you up to date on the progress. I’ll also try to get those other blogs out asapenis.
you know the difference it makes
what did you hear me say
Yes, I said it’s fine before
I don’t think so no more
I said it’s fine before
I’ve changed my mind
I take it back
Erase and rewind
’cause I’ve been changing my mind
I’ve changed my mind
Hello everyone. I meant to blog weeks ago. I had all these things that I wanted to devote a couple blogs to and then something else came up & put me for a loop. I still plan on doing these blogs but for now I’ll discuss the events at the end of August. Picture it. Bamboo 52. I’m hanging with my friend Jaime on his bday & I decide to make it an early night. I had went out the night and had a good time & I actually didn’t feel like making it a long night. I also decided to have just one drink, no need to get crazy. So by midnight on a Friday night I was in bed waiting to get my sleep on. A first in quite some time and when I woke up at 2:30 (just a few hrs later) I thought it was much later. Looking at the clock I realized hardly any time had gone by but somehow I felt like my body had literally fought a war. My shoulders were in a bit of pain & when I went to the bathroom & looked at my tongue I freaked out. I had clamped down on the left side of it & it was all red. Looking at my shoulders I was confused because they felt like they were dislocated but they didn’t appear that way at all. Not being able to barely move either one of them I decided I should get myself to the ER. It was in this moment I thought that I had had a seizure in my sleep & in this moment I feared the absolute worst. Had the tumor grown back?
I tried to remain composed as I told the nurses & the doctors what had happened & I told them all about my history. They asked when the last time I had a seizure was & I told them almost 2 years ago when they discovered the tumor & took it out. So they decided to do a CAT scan of my head & x-rays of my shoulders. I couldn’t help but kind of freak out even though I was trying to remain as calm as possible on the outside. The nurse told me that I seemed so calm. I told her that it may appear that way but on the inside I was going nanners. My words exactly. It was like I was instantly transported back to ‘07. When I went through it the first time everything was new & I had no idea what to expect. This time it was like all of those fears & feelings hit me at once. The thought of going through all of that again was too much to take. I thought about how other people who have gone through something similar must feel. People who have beat cancer or something else & then the thought of it coming back. The place your head goes when these thoughts happen is a scary place. Then, the dr came back with my results. She said that nothing showed up on the CAT scan & the x-rays didn’t show any dislocation of either shoulder. She even suggested that maybe I had not had a seizure at all. In that quick second I thought maybe I had in fact gone nanners.
So I left & went home. Still in pain. Still wondering what the hell had happened. By the next day the place on my tongue turned black & it hurt to eat. My shoulders were still in major pain & I could not move them above my head. I had to call out of work the next day & I went to my dr. He gave me anti-inflammatory meds (which have NOT worked) & we did blood work. It was gonna be a few more days before I could do the MRI so I was just left to wonder what would happen. This lead to me reading too much stuff on the web. I tried to take it with a grain of salt. I started reading about things that cause seizures. It of course said tumor and I of course wanted to think of something else. It then mentioned alcohol withdraw. I couldn’t help but laugh. I was like, “WTF?! Was my body mad at me because I decided to stay in on a Friday night & not drink? Was my head confused? Did that internal clock say it is 2 am Friday night & there should be some alcohol in my system?” I hope that gave you all a giggle because my dr looked at me & semi-laughed when I brought it up to him. In a dry kind of way he said, “Mr. Padron that is not meant for you. That’s meant for people who drink a bottle a day for 20 years & then all of a sudden stop.” I looked at him & said, “Oh.”
Next was my MRI & as always I felt a little claustrophobic being in it. I swear that thing feels like a coffin. So for 30 minutes I tried to think happy thoughts & just look forward to it being over. Earlier that day my regular dr had told me that the results of my blood work came back fine but I had definitely had a seizure. He said that the normal blood count in someone’s muscles was 100. Mine had come back at 1100! That explained why I felt like I had fought a war & at least I knew I wasn’t crazy & I knew I had had a seizure. This whole thing had put a major damper in my Labor Day Weekend plans. I had originally planned on going out to Fire Island & hanging with my boys & probably drink a little too much & flirt WAY too much. Now it wasn’t gonna happen. My poor arms looked like I had been hanging with Amy Winehouse while on a bender & the bruise on my arm looked like I had been on too many dates with Chris Beat Her Down Brown. Basically I looked like a HOT MESS.
So where did you see me go
it’s not the right way, you know
where did you see me go
No, it’s not that I don’t know
I just don’t want it to grow
It’s not that I don’t know
I’ve changed my mind
I take it back
I decided to hang with my Sober Sister Ej on Fri & Sunday night. We danced a lil at the Ritz. Mind you, my dancing was highly tamed down. As in I could only do my interpretation of some hips don’t lie because I sure as hell couldn’t raise them arms. On Saturday night I went to go see 9 to 5 for the second time. Big thanks to Chase for that. I ended up having a wonderful time. I was going to be the date to one of Allison Janney’s friends. When I got there I immediately was surprised because I had seen her in a lot of films but didn’t know her name. I told her I saw her in tons of things & she said all sly, “Oh stop! I haven’t been in tons of things!” I said, “You lie, I saw you in a movie just the other day!” She smiled & we became instant besties. When the show was over I went with her to hang with the cast & I was so excited. I’m a big fan of the show & I’ve always loved Allison in everything I’ve seen her in. It’s funny because now all week I keep seeing Octavia (new bestie) in tons of movies that have been showing this week. Legally Blonde 1 & 2, Beauty Shop, Miss Congeniality 2 & Spider Man just to name a few. Mind you, I’ve had a lot of alone time on my hands. A lot of time to chill basically. A lot of time to re-evaluate things. Sunday was calm as well & by the night Ej & I just bar hopped & ended up at Xes doing karaoke. Once again, I couldn’t give my all to it but vocally I was ripping up some Poker Face. If I could have done the acoustic version it would have been utter hotness. By the next day I thought hmmmm maybe this whole not drinking thing really does wonders for my voice lol. On Monday I had a nice time at a BBQ at my friend Eric’s new place & I had a few drinks but nothing major. For those of you worried, I asked my dr if he thought I should lay off the sauce & he said I should be ok but not to get too crazy. Another good reason I did not go out to Fire Island because I know what it is out there.
Finally, a few days ago my dr called me & told me the results of the MRI. He said everything looked good. It was in fact better than it had been since the last time I had an MRI done. He said the seizure was most likely from scar tissue. My next thing I have to do is to see a neurologist & find out if I have to go back on medication for seizures. I hated the stuff before but as I look at my poor arm & as it is still in pain, all I know is that I don’t want to have to deal with this again. I don’t want to get into a fight with myself & lose. So just send happy thoughts my way. It’s like I’m fricking Shelby from Steel Magnolia’s. There’s all these things I want to do but my poor body won’t let me. Meanwhile, I’m too headstrong & stubborn & the not being able to go to the gym & take dance classes has highly frustrated me.
But instead of being an uber bitch like I have been all week I will remain positive & take each day at a time. Try new things. I’ve been walking in Central Park for some kind of walking exercise & the time alone is kind of amazing. I also went to the library today & checked out some instructional cds on learning Spanish. It’s all apart of my new plans to do some new things. I’ll keep you up to date on the progress. I’ll also try to get those other blogs out asapenis.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Celebration
Come join the party, yeah
Coz anybody just won’t do.
Let’s get this started, yeah
Coz everybody wants to party with you.
Happy Friday to you all! For the past few days I have been in hibernation. I woke up a couple days ago with my right ear all stopped up & my eyelid feeling a little swollen. I thought oh no! That could only mean one thing, Nickakah came & saw & was an absolute blast & now it has kicked my ass. Earlier in the month I had felt a little bored about how to celebrate. After being here so long, I felt like I had done everything there was to do in the city. So this year I decided to go on location. The location: The Pines, Fire Island. My friend Rob had a share that was gonna be open & I had thought about it for at least a month. After the first ‘vacation’ at the beginning of the month I felt a do-over was highly in order. This year would be slightly different because I wasn’t gonna be able to celebrate fully with my normal cast of characters. But after hearing about how people are over bdays & such I took that as a sign that it would be ok. Clearly, I’m not over bdays. I look at it as a blessing to still be going so why not celebrate it? Right? Right.
Boy you got a reputation, but you’re gonna have to prove it
I see a little hesitation,
Am I gonna have to show you that if it feels right, get on your marks
Step to the beat boy that’s what it’s for
The night before my bday the party began at work. I was surprised by a very delicious red velvet cake that was for my co-worker Marcus & I. His bday had been a few days before. Later, towards the end of work we all started sippin on some drinks. Well after a few hrs later I was definitely feeling a buzz going on & then remembered I had to get home bc I had people coming over. Without having dinner I met up with my peeps & the party continued. This was my problem. We all made it to Splash & danced & had a good time. Nicole took some pics & Vadim danced around in his Basic Trash ensemble. Old friends & new ones were there & I had a ball. Then I dropped the ball so to speak. Black out city occurred & the next day I woke up with a terrible hangover. How can this happen on my actual bday?! Oh no! I was suppose to meet Rob & everyone at the train to head out to the island. Clearly, this wasn’t happening. Finally, after a few hrs & popping a lot of advil, chugging some water, packing my bags… I made the last off peak train out to Long Island. Shortly before I made it to the train the skies looked like it would begin to rain. After taking the train, taking a van & then taking a ferry (that’s right kids this can be a trek) it started to rain. I thought well I’ll be damned! Here we go with Wilmington happening all over again. By the time I made it to the house I was completely soaked. Being the good friend that he is, Rob made me a drink asapenis. Shortly after, the rest of the roommates arrived. Then it was time to make tea. Now for those not in the know, that doesn’t mean make some tea & sit around & gossip. In the Pines there is a thing called Low Tea, Middle Tea & Hi Tea. Basically it means you go to the clubs that the deejays are spinning during certain times. It still confuses the shit out of me but whatevs. We did that for a little while & then found ourselves back at home to eat a little & then a few of us decided to hit up the underwear party that my friend Danny was deejaying. Picture it, a room full of guys dancing around in their underwear. Absolutely wonderful I say. One of the roommates Dave C, was telling any one that was cute about the pool party that was gonna be taking place the next day. And what a hot pool party it was. I met tons of new people & of course I kept telling everyone it was my bday weekend. There are a ton of pics from it & I’ve already heard from people about how everyone was in such skimpy clothes. In my defense, some twink came in with my ensemble so not to be outdone I changed into a skimpier number. (Shuley, I know how you say no guy looks good in a speedo but I gotta say here in NYC there are TONS of men who look good in them) What also must be said is that when you’re around all of this it is sooooo easy to get caught in the sexy times. There were shower room hook ups with twinks, semi porn photo shoots going on in bedrooms….. which I was not a part of (I know some of you are shocked right now). As always I will not mention names to protect the uh… not so innocent. I will just keep it in my body of evidence. Later, a few of us went to this other party that was taking place nearby. It was a big house, with a lot of people. More sexy people in hardly anything. BUT, what they had apparently run out of was alcohol. Of course my friends & I were like WTF?! So just as quick as we made an entrance we quickly left to go back to ours where there was plenty of vodka flowing.
That’s the thing with Fire Island. When you go you HAVE to have your A game on. Since there was no tv, no computer, and no ones cell phone service properly working…. you find that it’s like a Real World house. Only all gay, all the time. So of course there will be hook ups & there will be scandal. By the end of the weekend I did get my share of hook ups but I will not mention names. Remember, I’m trying to protect the uh not so innocent. What I will say is it felt like I got to be the Heather Locklear of Melrose Place & I loved it. On Sunday we started drinking at like 11:30 am & that just kept going on until the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, through out the whole experience I did not once get a hangover or have a blackout. Which I couldn’t understand considering I drank WAY more than I ever do. I guess the lesson is make sure to have your meals, & drink water with every few drinks. A few others didn’t have it so lucky. Poor Jude got sick & Fernando was out for HOURS. But before all that we did manage to have a lil dance party in the rain which found me teaching a combination to a variation of songs. We joked saying that Rob was like Mary Anne from True Blood, like when she gets all crazy & dances around & then everyone starts humping like crazy & their eyes go black. We found it utterly hilarious. Just as hilarious as when we got in late one night & the twinks staying over asked us to be quiet. Which was absolutely hilarious because any one that knows Rob or Dave KNOWS that will just make them more obnoxious!!! Ahhhh, good times.
By Monday it seemed so many people had left & there was only a few of us that remained. What was wonderful was that it was finally gonna be an actual beach day. So for the most part we spent it getting our tan on. And oh yes, our drink on as well. We ended up meeting a guy on the beach who invited us back to his beach front house to hang out at his pool & hot tub. We couldn’t turn this down because literally the night before I had met a guy & introduced him to Dave C saying, “This is Marlon, he has a big dick & a jacuzzi.” We had been wanting a jacuzzi all weekend. So Monday night found us rocking the hot tub & me doing a concert of Mariah songs acapella. Where my voice came from I have NO idea but, I remember it actually not sucking. Hmmm, perhaps I was drunk & it was actually atrocious. Nope, let’s stick with it actually not sucking. Tuesday was another great beach day & I found myself not being able to leave. Hours were spent at the beach & by this point I had got a massive tan. Not many people were on the beach but there were still a few there. It’s funny to see how dead the island gets during the week. By this point it was just Brad & I & once 8pm came I found myself having to saying goodbye on the ferry. I was wishing it didn’t have to end & I definitely was not looking forward to going to work. But Nickakah was officially over. By this point by phone was blowing up with all the messages & texts from people saying happy bday. There were a few people I was a lil bummed out that decided to overlook me but like I said it IS what it IS. I stay highly thankful for all my peeps who do love me & showed me a good time. Major shout out to Rob & the boys of this years Nickakah. It’s like we did the Saved By the Bell season at the beach. Same cast but thrown in with some new fresh faces. It’s good to do every now & then. I had an absolute blast & now after hibernating for a few days I definitely feel ready to celebrate something now. Besides, it’s someone’s bday somewhere right? Happy bday Katie, even though your far away I want to hear about tons of bday fun. I just may have a drink or 2 for u!
Coz anybody just won’t do.
Let’s get this started, yeah
Coz everybody wants to party with you.
Happy Friday to you all! For the past few days I have been in hibernation. I woke up a couple days ago with my right ear all stopped up & my eyelid feeling a little swollen. I thought oh no! That could only mean one thing, Nickakah came & saw & was an absolute blast & now it has kicked my ass. Earlier in the month I had felt a little bored about how to celebrate. After being here so long, I felt like I had done everything there was to do in the city. So this year I decided to go on location. The location: The Pines, Fire Island. My friend Rob had a share that was gonna be open & I had thought about it for at least a month. After the first ‘vacation’ at the beginning of the month I felt a do-over was highly in order. This year would be slightly different because I wasn’t gonna be able to celebrate fully with my normal cast of characters. But after hearing about how people are over bdays & such I took that as a sign that it would be ok. Clearly, I’m not over bdays. I look at it as a blessing to still be going so why not celebrate it? Right? Right.
Boy you got a reputation, but you’re gonna have to prove it
I see a little hesitation,
Am I gonna have to show you that if it feels right, get on your marks
Step to the beat boy that’s what it’s for
The night before my bday the party began at work. I was surprised by a very delicious red velvet cake that was for my co-worker Marcus & I. His bday had been a few days before. Later, towards the end of work we all started sippin on some drinks. Well after a few hrs later I was definitely feeling a buzz going on & then remembered I had to get home bc I had people coming over. Without having dinner I met up with my peeps & the party continued. This was my problem. We all made it to Splash & danced & had a good time. Nicole took some pics & Vadim danced around in his Basic Trash ensemble. Old friends & new ones were there & I had a ball. Then I dropped the ball so to speak. Black out city occurred & the next day I woke up with a terrible hangover. How can this happen on my actual bday?! Oh no! I was suppose to meet Rob & everyone at the train to head out to the island. Clearly, this wasn’t happening. Finally, after a few hrs & popping a lot of advil, chugging some water, packing my bags… I made the last off peak train out to Long Island. Shortly before I made it to the train the skies looked like it would begin to rain. After taking the train, taking a van & then taking a ferry (that’s right kids this can be a trek) it started to rain. I thought well I’ll be damned! Here we go with Wilmington happening all over again. By the time I made it to the house I was completely soaked. Being the good friend that he is, Rob made me a drink asapenis. Shortly after, the rest of the roommates arrived. Then it was time to make tea. Now for those not in the know, that doesn’t mean make some tea & sit around & gossip. In the Pines there is a thing called Low Tea, Middle Tea & Hi Tea. Basically it means you go to the clubs that the deejays are spinning during certain times. It still confuses the shit out of me but whatevs. We did that for a little while & then found ourselves back at home to eat a little & then a few of us decided to hit up the underwear party that my friend Danny was deejaying. Picture it, a room full of guys dancing around in their underwear. Absolutely wonderful I say. One of the roommates Dave C, was telling any one that was cute about the pool party that was gonna be taking place the next day. And what a hot pool party it was. I met tons of new people & of course I kept telling everyone it was my bday weekend. There are a ton of pics from it & I’ve already heard from people about how everyone was in such skimpy clothes. In my defense, some twink came in with my ensemble so not to be outdone I changed into a skimpier number. (Shuley, I know how you say no guy looks good in a speedo but I gotta say here in NYC there are TONS of men who look good in them) What also must be said is that when you’re around all of this it is sooooo easy to get caught in the sexy times. There were shower room hook ups with twinks, semi porn photo shoots going on in bedrooms….. which I was not a part of (I know some of you are shocked right now). As always I will not mention names to protect the uh… not so innocent. I will just keep it in my body of evidence. Later, a few of us went to this other party that was taking place nearby. It was a big house, with a lot of people. More sexy people in hardly anything. BUT, what they had apparently run out of was alcohol. Of course my friends & I were like WTF?! So just as quick as we made an entrance we quickly left to go back to ours where there was plenty of vodka flowing.
That’s the thing with Fire Island. When you go you HAVE to have your A game on. Since there was no tv, no computer, and no ones cell phone service properly working…. you find that it’s like a Real World house. Only all gay, all the time. So of course there will be hook ups & there will be scandal. By the end of the weekend I did get my share of hook ups but I will not mention names. Remember, I’m trying to protect the uh not so innocent. What I will say is it felt like I got to be the Heather Locklear of Melrose Place & I loved it. On Sunday we started drinking at like 11:30 am & that just kept going on until the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, through out the whole experience I did not once get a hangover or have a blackout. Which I couldn’t understand considering I drank WAY more than I ever do. I guess the lesson is make sure to have your meals, & drink water with every few drinks. A few others didn’t have it so lucky. Poor Jude got sick & Fernando was out for HOURS. But before all that we did manage to have a lil dance party in the rain which found me teaching a combination to a variation of songs. We joked saying that Rob was like Mary Anne from True Blood, like when she gets all crazy & dances around & then everyone starts humping like crazy & their eyes go black. We found it utterly hilarious. Just as hilarious as when we got in late one night & the twinks staying over asked us to be quiet. Which was absolutely hilarious because any one that knows Rob or Dave KNOWS that will just make them more obnoxious!!! Ahhhh, good times.
By Monday it seemed so many people had left & there was only a few of us that remained. What was wonderful was that it was finally gonna be an actual beach day. So for the most part we spent it getting our tan on. And oh yes, our drink on as well. We ended up meeting a guy on the beach who invited us back to his beach front house to hang out at his pool & hot tub. We couldn’t turn this down because literally the night before I had met a guy & introduced him to Dave C saying, “This is Marlon, he has a big dick & a jacuzzi.” We had been wanting a jacuzzi all weekend. So Monday night found us rocking the hot tub & me doing a concert of Mariah songs acapella. Where my voice came from I have NO idea but, I remember it actually not sucking. Hmmm, perhaps I was drunk & it was actually atrocious. Nope, let’s stick with it actually not sucking. Tuesday was another great beach day & I found myself not being able to leave. Hours were spent at the beach & by this point I had got a massive tan. Not many people were on the beach but there were still a few there. It’s funny to see how dead the island gets during the week. By this point it was just Brad & I & once 8pm came I found myself having to saying goodbye on the ferry. I was wishing it didn’t have to end & I definitely was not looking forward to going to work. But Nickakah was officially over. By this point by phone was blowing up with all the messages & texts from people saying happy bday. There were a few people I was a lil bummed out that decided to overlook me but like I said it IS what it IS. I stay highly thankful for all my peeps who do love me & showed me a good time. Major shout out to Rob & the boys of this years Nickakah. It’s like we did the Saved By the Bell season at the beach. Same cast but thrown in with some new fresh faces. It’s good to do every now & then. I had an absolute blast & now after hibernating for a few days I definitely feel ready to celebrate something now. Besides, it’s someone’s bday somewhere right? Happy bday Katie, even though your far away I want to hear about tons of bday fun. I just may have a drink or 2 for u!
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