Fast Love with Boys, Boys, Boys

It’s fall here in the city & there is more than a hint of chill in the air. The chill has found it’s way to my bedroom as well. It’s hard to believe that summer was just a few weeks ago. The summer was full of delicious scandals which by now I can’t even remember why it was so delicious. It’s like it was a blockbuster for one weekend & then was not talked about by the next because there was a new hotness to discuss. There were tons of new friends made & I was just sure that they would make the fall season premiere episode. But, just like ‘Tori’ on Saved By the Bell they were quickly nixed & more attention was paid to the core cast. (Even if some members HAD dropped off the face of the earth) What has somehow been consistent & a story line that has spilled over from summer would be what is my love life.

Boys boys boys
We like boys in cars
Boys boys boys
Buy us drinks in bars
Boys boys boys
With Hairspray and denim
Boys boys boys
We love them!

Now some of you may some may scoff & roll your eyes & say this topic is no different than any other season in your life Nick. Boys in the morning, boys in the evening & boys at suppertime. You have boys to warm you up in the winter, boys that try to give you golden showers in the spring (to that I say ewww never!) and boys that you trip over trying to get to the next one in the fall. To this I say, “Whatevs bitches, you don’t know me!” What I am confused about is this trend that started shortly before my bday. Somehow everyone I have met that I have been interested in has had a boyfriend. In the beginning I didn’t mind at all. I think I welcomed it actually. It was a perfect example of let me get mine, you get yours so you can get the fuck out.

Looking for some education
Made my way into the night
All that bullshit conversation
Well baby can’t you read the signs?

I won’t bore you with the details baby
I don’t even want to waste your time
Let’s just say that maybe
You could help to ease my mind
Baby, I ain’t Mr. Right

But if you’re looking for fastlove
If that’s love in your eyes
It’s more than enough
Had some had bad luck
So fastlove is all that I’ve got on my mind

I’m not the only one with this opinion. In a city where the next brand new hotness is just down the street it’s so easy to not get caught up over someone. Especially if you have already done the relationship thing & it hasn’t worked out. I was talking to a friend the other day & asked how his date went. Virtually shrugging he said, “Eh, it was ok but I don’t need to take it any further.” And it is kind of true. You can see where something is going pretty early on & if it isn’t going anywhere then there is no need to string something(one) on. I probably sound jaded. Most of my friends probably sound the same way. I know it’s a far cry from my desperate to be in love state in my mid twenties. I’m just trying to explain how I didn’t mind meeting the hot guys with bfs…. at first.

Hey there sugar baby
Saw you twice at the pop show
You take just like glitter
Mixed with rock and roll
I like you a lot lot
Think you’re really hot hot

I’m not loose, I like to party
Let’s get lost in your Ferrari
Not psychotic or dramatic
I like boys and that is that
Love it when you call me legs
In the morning buy me eggs
Watch your heart when we’re together
Boys like you love me forever

Boy after boy & especially around my bday I was meeting guys that either had bfs or were semi-attached. There was one occasion I think I was used to make someone jealous. Which is something I’m not shocked about. What did shock me was somehow I was attracting these guys one after one. 7 guys later I have to say I’m annoyed. A few weeks ago I was talking about this matter with some friends having pre-drinks at my apt before we went out. Then, we go out & a really hot guy started to kick his game with me. After investing a whole 15 minutes in him (it may have been longer), I thought to ask him a question. ”Do you have a boyfriend?” He stopped and goes, ‘If I did, would that be a problem?” I rolled my eyes & said politely for him to get the fuck away from me. Ok, so it wasn’t polite & I probably looked like I was bucking for best dramatic actor at a gay club opening. But people, seriously the count is at 8! Meanwhile, my dating life over the past year & a half has been almost a blank slate. It’s a sad thing when you realize that you’ve had more ‘dates’ with an ex than you have actually had with other people.

In the absence of security
I made my way into the night
Stupid cupid keeps on calling me
But I see nothing in his eyes
I miss my baby, oh yeah
I miss my baby tonight
So why don’t we make a little room
In my BMW babe
Searching for some peace of mind
Hey I’ll help you find it
I do believe that we are practicing
The same religion
You really ought to get up now

It’s funny that recently I have totally missed those feelings of having someone there to count on other than myself. Those feelings like I wasn’t alone & had someone that actually loved me. I got the news that I would go back on medication to stop the seizures from happening again. Which I’m ok with. But, I was told that there is still basically a tumor left in my brain. They had gotten the majority of it but could not get the smallest bit of it so basically they have to monitor it & make sure it doesn’t grow. If it does, then I would have to go through radiation therapy or have surgery again. So please picture my face when I got this news. I feel like all of this should’ve been told to me properly a long time ago but somehow it wasn’t. But to avoid sounding like an angry crazy person about to go on a Kanye rant, I look at it like this: I’ve been fine since the tumor was removed (most of it) & I had one little set back. I will not let it get me down & just keep doing what I do. I can’t worry about what the future does or does not hold. I’ll end up missing the present. I’ll keep looking for affirmation. Hopefully this also means that the ones with bf’s will not be looking for me. I may not be looking for Mr. Right but somehow I need something a little more than Mr. Right Now.