VMA's 09

I haven’t been excited for the VMA’s in a long ass time. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or because they don’t show videos really anymore but MTV to me hasn’t had me on the edge of my seat in quite some time. But this year, it had me bursting with fruit flavor as if I was one of those kids that needs a haircut. You know, the hairdo that has taken over for young men in their teens & early twenty’s. If I tried to grow out my shit I would just look like I’m trying to be on Divas Live.

But look at me, getting away from the topic at hand and trying to make it all about me. What a douchey thing to do right? So lets discuss this years VMA’s. When the show opened and showed a woman that seemed recognizable I was like who is this? Then I realized it was my queen M and her new face. I thought her speech was great about Mike but for a hot second I thought that she was going to introduce Janet. Which to me would have been major drama considering they do not get along. Needless to say it didn’t happen but when the tribute happened I thought it was some awesome dancing & I only wished I could be up there moving & shaking with all of them. Everyone was on point, even thought the one dancer during the Smooth Criminal segment looked like he may fall over at any given moment. But props to him I have never been able to do that lean & have always wondered how Mike did it. Then the beginning of Scream & I began to squeal with delight. No Janet didn’t sing it live but those were redone vocals. When it came time for the breakdown I couldn’t help but get a little sad because I remember Michael commenting back in the day that he loved getting in a room & dancing with his sister. And even though he wasn’t there…. in a strange way it was like he was. A very touching tribute indeed. I gotta add seeing Tina dancing along side Janet was awesome, as well as J Lo’s ex Cris Judd.

Russell Brand makes me giggle & I think he’s a good host. No need to apologize about past comments about Bush & purity rings. I can’t help but think those purity rings are just another name for cock rings. Then again, I am a dirty bitch. Luckily it was time for all my ladies to do some battle. Best female video. It was either gonna be my girl Beyonce or my crazy bitch that I live for GaGa. Then outta nowhere Taylor Swift! What?! I was shocked. I have her cd & I like her songs but I was just sure it was gonna be B or GaGa. Clearly I wasn’t the only one. EVERYone is talking about the antics of Kanye & I hate to jump on the bandwagon but that motherf*cker continues to annoy the shit out of him. I like some of his music but I swear he is forever saying some shit or bawling over not winning an award. This one wasn’t even his to win. He wasn’t even featured in any of the songs. WTF Kanye? You’re a grown ass man, older than me mind you ; ) and you have to take the mic away from a sweet 19 year old southern girl? Taylor reminds me of every girl I went to high school with or knew back in the south. She’s quite simply put, a girl’s girl. All the girls would want to be her friend & all the boys would follow her around. She never says anything bad about anybody & in his moment of stealing hers I found myself saying, “Fuck him, you deserve that win. You have the best selling album of 2009 so far.” Then like 10 minutes later she was going to perform. I wondered how she would handle it. For most teens it may have posed as too much. But she got up there (or should I say down there) and did her thing. I was like how did they get no one to crowd 6th Ave at 42nd? It made me wanna dance & sing & act a fool on the F. I used to take that train everyday for work. Too bad it wasn’t that festive all the time.

When it was time for Gaga I was on the edge of my seat. The set was amazing & it looked like something straight out of the theater. I love the song & her dancers were balletic & on point. I saw quite a few dancers I recognized from So You Think You Dance. The piano playing was nice & then came the ‘blood’. I live for her Pop Art but this whole look of I just started my period on stage left me a little queezy. I found myself saying out loud, “Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?” Her costumes throughout the night continued to be insane & that whole froc at the end when she won best new artist left me scratching my head. But I lived for your props to the gays & I find myself jealous of Perez for being your gay bf when I’ve been a fan way longer than he has. Gaga, I’m your biggest fan… I’ll follow you until you love me. Even if it’s some messy bloody coochie-azzi. (Ummm just saying that I feel I need a bath)

Pink is the baddest lesbian straight chick out there. I love her & I always have. Massive props to that whole acrobatic but still singing live performance of Sober. I have a slight fear of heights & all I could think of if that was me I would have dislocated my shoulder right then & there. I’m going to be seeing her live next month so I can’t wait to see her for that for her show. It’s sure to be awesome.

People seem to either hate or love Beyonce but I’ve been a fan since she busted out with some No, No, No back in 98 with Destiny’s Child. And I HAVE to say B killed it during her performance. I liked the whole singing live bit for the beginning and then breaking that shit down. Recently my friend Kareem was telling me about how hard it is to do the choreography to that song AND sing live. Mind you this was just for karaoke at a bar so just imagine how that’s upgraded for the VMA’s. Clearly B felt the same way because once she started dancing those backing vocals kicked in. Later, B took off the Sasha Fierce cap & replaced it with her Halo by giving Taylor her due. Clearly, B IS A CLASS ACT & Kanye needs to check his huge Ego & learn something from this wonderful lady.

I didn’t really care about the other performers. Yes, Green Day is cool but I don’t live for em. That other band, The Muse…..ok. I took a pee break. The whole Twilight phenom is lost on me. I was bored to tears during that movie. I prefer my vampires on True Blood. But when that chick asked what team you were on I felt really dirty for saying I am on Team Taylor since that kid is like 16 with the body of a man. Eminem’s new face scares me & I’ve been over him & all his hype for quite some time. I was excited to see Brit win. I hope she celebrated with some cheetos & a frappachino & some sexy times. I was bored during Jay-Z’s performance & kept saying, “Pull up your pants!” Alicia did a nice job & looked gorgeous. Then all of a sudden I saw a little midget tranny run upstage to literally try to do a gangster pose. Oh wait, that’s just Lil’ Mama. Ummm Lil’ Tranny, your lip gloss ain’t popping no mo. So sit your ass down.

There it is, my 2 cents worth. Big ups to all the ladies. Showing that you don’t have to be divas all the time & let everyone have their moments. Now I need to get back to work. I’m gonna be attending the Divas Live concert this Thurs so you can best believe I’ll be giving my 5 cents worth on Friday. Have a great week everyone!