It’s been a rough week. A few days ago I tripped just walking on the street & fell down & bloodied up my knee & my hand. (No I was not inebriated, which makes it even sadder that I was this clumsy) I pulled something in my arm working out yesterday. I got upset with someone who I don’t like to be upset with. Most importantly, one of my best friends passed away.
I got a call last Monday morning from my friend’s cousin telling me he passed away the night before in the hospital. As I stood there in shock outside of St. Pat’s a wave of emotions overflowed & I could not hold back the tears. I tried to hold it together at work but in the end I had to leave. I went home & cleaned & did laundry & did anything to not think. I’ve gone through all the emotions & it seemed like everyday I felt a different way. Today I have finally decided that I need to get the crazy out of me & write.
Eight years ago I met a guy named Jason at Pop Rocks. It was one of my favorite places to go back then. Nothing but pop music played & I spent many a Thursday night there. I was busy doing a breakdown to one of my jams at the time when this guy was trying to get my attention. To no avail he started chatting with my friend Krizia & asked her about me. He would always go on to tell people that I didn’t pay him any mind when he tried to hit on me. But once I did I was smitten. It was hard not to notice him. He was beautiful & all the boys loved him. He had an energy about him & if I had a dollar for every friend I’ve had in the years that had a crush on him I would have a LOT of money. He was my first real boyfriend here in the city. It’s funny to look back at the pics of us. Nights at the Roxy, him wearing glitter, me with my natural hair color. Even when we ended our relationship it was on good terms. He would become one of my best friends that I have had while living here in NY. My friends here in NY have been my family & losing him has been like losing a little piece of my heart that I can not get back.
It’s weird to think I won’t hear his voice again. I found myself scrolling through texts just so I could read them. He was loved by so many people & he made an impact on so many lives. Reading the posts on his facebook page was hard as well as all the pics that were posted. I’ve done my best to think about all the good times & not be angry that I won’t have any more of these. We did a lot of growing up together. When I went through my tumor he was one of the many that supported me & was there when I needed him for anything. But, that’s just the kind of guy he was. He was a wonderful dancer. He was an awesome cook. He was an extremely talented architect. He loved his dog Gem more than anything. He was a generous soul. He was so many things.
For the first few nights I couldn’t sleep well. Dream after dream would occur. One of them was so vivid & it felt so real. We were upstairs at the Roxy. We were with all of our mutual friends. We were young. Dancing & having a good time & no care in the world. The dj was playing Love Affair by Kylie which happened to be our favorite song then. As I looked around seeing all my friends I noticed someone was missing. ”Where’s Jason?” I asked over & over & then it was like all of a sudden I realized & woke up.
Now that I’ve had some time to process everything that dream makes a little more sense to me. It marked a time in my mind that I will always cherish. So that is how I want to think about him. He’s somewhere dancing & forever youthful & nothing can harm him. He’s just waiting for us to get there.
Here in the moment I belong
In a waking dream
The night is young
But isn’t long
If you know what I mean
Oh it’s beautiful
The thought of what might be
Close your eyes so you can see
I am only here for a little while
Would you like to take me out tonight
Maybe we could talk for a little while, baby
Now we’ve only just begun
We’re running out of time
I don’t want to think about the sun
No not tonight
Oh it’s wonderful you being here with me
Close your eyes so you can see
I am only here for a little while
Would you like to take me out tonight
Maybe we could talk for a little while, baby
Don’t hold back it’s time for a love affair
Take my hand lead me to anywhere
Maybe there’s something in the air, baby
Together here, Together now
In the moment that we met
Remember here remember now
It’s too easy to forget
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
For You, For Me... A Funhouse
Somewhere along the line, October came & slapped me in the face with excitement. I realize this blog was due weeks ago but I’m just now trying to catch up so go back with me a little bit if you may. I got to see Pink at MSG which was awesome & that word could definitely be used for some of the concert goers there. There was a ride range of people from your str8’s to your gays to your lesbians to women who looked they had either been on a Rock of Love show or had at least auditioned for it. At one point a girl behind me was yelling out, “I freaking love you Alicia!” Another goes, “Who is Alicia?” She responded, “That’s Pink’s real name bitch!” Totally saying it in a Rock of Love I had too many tequila shots kind of way. Amazing, and the same can be said for Pink. Baddest str8 lesbian pop singer around. My highlights were ‘Family Portrait’ done with just the piano & I loved the acoustic section with ‘I Don’t Believe You’ & some other tracks. She did a few too many covers which left me wondering why she didn’t do some other of her older songs but I still had an amazing time. Her cover of The Divinyls ‘I Touch Myself’ was uber sexed up & I loved it. All in all a really fucking awesome show! Sorry, my inner lesbian came out.
No lesbians could be seen at my next show a week after. It was gays galore at Kylie Minogue’s show at the Hammerstein Ballroom. I had been looking forward to her show for months because this was her first time touring in the states ever. I had met her at a Virgin megastore signing during the release of Fever & as I think I have stated many times before I’ve been a fan since she came out with ‘The Loco-Motion’ in 88. For me, the show was absolutely great. I had made my way to the front with my friend Danny. Somehow everyone else got really far away from me, but when it comes to getting close to a diva I tend to lose all my peeps. Musically, the show was brilliant. She took portions from all her past shows (which I have on DVD) and put them into this show. I can also say this was the gayest show I’ve seen from any of my divas. There were boys dancing with boys & girls dancing with girls while Kylie sang her heart out. There was even this whole locker room scene with the guys that got us all hot & bothered. Highlights (besides these) were ‘The Loco-Motion’, ‘Confide In Me’, “The One’….oh hell I loved the whole damn show. I look forward to her coming back to perform again. She apparently was at a club I went to on Halloween with Fergie but I did not see her. Then again, I was too drunk for my own good so who the hell knows.
Ahhhhh Halloween. It wasn’t as great as the year before but don’t think I didn’t have a good time. We started out at my friend Dana’s house party. So many of my friends were dressed as ladies it was hilarious. Brad as a Hooters girl, Rob as crazy Britney with pink wig was tons of fun. I was incredibly proud of Scott running around in a cape & just his undies looking like a devil. Vadim was dressed as well an even crazier version of himself than normal. For once I actually had on more clothes than them. I know, this is shocking. It was to me too. I was going for this whole 80’s sports work out but got everything from that to ‘Are you an 80’s porn star?’ to are you trying to be a certain friend that shall remain nameless. By the end of the night though the wig had come off, shirt barely tucked in my tiny shorts with jock strap peeking through. Where are these pics you ask? Haha I managed to escape those for once.
We had a Halloween soiree at work as well a few days later & the theme was to be a rock star…. living or dead. My co-worker Sophia came as Rick James, complete with ho’s(back up singers) & she looked amazing! We had Wayne & Garth, Tupac & Biggie Smalls, Pat Benatar, The Blue Brothers, Theo as this ultimate rock star… there were so many good ones. I had no idea what I would be but then at the last minute used the wig to my advantage & came up with the idea of a Beach Boy with shorts & tank top. Turns out I wasn’t the only one with that thought which was cool. I asked him if we were getting the band back together. And speaking of band, we had one performing for us & they were also getting people to sing. My co-worker Morgan rocked out some Pearl Jam that I was not ready for. Absolutely fricking awesome. Craig worked it out but I was expecting him to be brilliant anyway since he is also a musician. I sang ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis & I totally forgot what it was like to sing with a band. The hoots & hollers & yells definitely helped & next thing you know the dude told me I should sing some more. Well 4 more songs later it was like a mini Nick concert. Absolutely awesome & to even have one of the grouchiest people who works here come up & smile & say ‘You’re such a good singer!’ was a shock. Well after feeling like a rock star & way too many drinks I found myself at an after party one of the band members had told us about.
Now here is where things got scandalous. It should be said that I don’t act crazy at work unless it’s just a few of my crew & we have some drinks after work in an office on a random Friday. But, I was dancing with married ladies & dipping them across the floor. Before, some of you think this is going somewhere don’t! The husband was nearby totally digging it. If anything they probably had an even better time once they got home alone lol. At one point I may have rolled across a floor & broke out into a dance breakdown. Maybe. My shirt may have come off at some point. Ok, so it did. Luckily there are no pics of this but a certain Creative Director tells me he took a video of it. I haven’t seen it but maybe I should scour youtube for it hmmmm. Anyway, it was a blast that’s for sure. The next morning I was just sure I was going to be embarrassed to see everyone but one by one I was praised & people calling & saying, “Most of the time things with co-workers are lame & people are all shy & you just killed it.” What I killed I am not sure but I do love that I brought some excitement. The head of our production department now refers to me as a rock star & was like ‘I had NO idea you had that in you.’ But those that KNOW me know it was only a small part of how I normally get down. I told him, “It’s either go hard or don’t go at all.” It’s not like I live this way everyday of the week. The whole beginning of the week is spent work, gym, home, watch my shows on tv & then repeat. I rarely even go out for drinks unless it’s someone’s birthday. It just me being chill. But when I’m ready to get down, watch out. Because for you, for me…. I like to make it a FUNHOUSE.
No lesbians could be seen at my next show a week after. It was gays galore at Kylie Minogue’s show at the Hammerstein Ballroom. I had been looking forward to her show for months because this was her first time touring in the states ever. I had met her at a Virgin megastore signing during the release of Fever & as I think I have stated many times before I’ve been a fan since she came out with ‘The Loco-Motion’ in 88. For me, the show was absolutely great. I had made my way to the front with my friend Danny. Somehow everyone else got really far away from me, but when it comes to getting close to a diva I tend to lose all my peeps. Musically, the show was brilliant. She took portions from all her past shows (which I have on DVD) and put them into this show. I can also say this was the gayest show I’ve seen from any of my divas. There were boys dancing with boys & girls dancing with girls while Kylie sang her heart out. There was even this whole locker room scene with the guys that got us all hot & bothered. Highlights (besides these) were ‘The Loco-Motion’, ‘Confide In Me’, “The One’….oh hell I loved the whole damn show. I look forward to her coming back to perform again. She apparently was at a club I went to on Halloween with Fergie but I did not see her. Then again, I was too drunk for my own good so who the hell knows.
Ahhhhh Halloween. It wasn’t as great as the year before but don’t think I didn’t have a good time. We started out at my friend Dana’s house party. So many of my friends were dressed as ladies it was hilarious. Brad as a Hooters girl, Rob as crazy Britney with pink wig was tons of fun. I was incredibly proud of Scott running around in a cape & just his undies looking like a devil. Vadim was dressed as well an even crazier version of himself than normal. For once I actually had on more clothes than them. I know, this is shocking. It was to me too. I was going for this whole 80’s sports work out but got everything from that to ‘Are you an 80’s porn star?’ to are you trying to be a certain friend that shall remain nameless. By the end of the night though the wig had come off, shirt barely tucked in my tiny shorts with jock strap peeking through. Where are these pics you ask? Haha I managed to escape those for once.
We had a Halloween soiree at work as well a few days later & the theme was to be a rock star…. living or dead. My co-worker Sophia came as Rick James, complete with ho’s(back up singers) & she looked amazing! We had Wayne & Garth, Tupac & Biggie Smalls, Pat Benatar, The Blue Brothers, Theo as this ultimate rock star… there were so many good ones. I had no idea what I would be but then at the last minute used the wig to my advantage & came up with the idea of a Beach Boy with shorts & tank top. Turns out I wasn’t the only one with that thought which was cool. I asked him if we were getting the band back together. And speaking of band, we had one performing for us & they were also getting people to sing. My co-worker Morgan rocked out some Pearl Jam that I was not ready for. Absolutely fricking awesome. Craig worked it out but I was expecting him to be brilliant anyway since he is also a musician. I sang ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis & I totally forgot what it was like to sing with a band. The hoots & hollers & yells definitely helped & next thing you know the dude told me I should sing some more. Well 4 more songs later it was like a mini Nick concert. Absolutely awesome & to even have one of the grouchiest people who works here come up & smile & say ‘You’re such a good singer!’ was a shock. Well after feeling like a rock star & way too many drinks I found myself at an after party one of the band members had told us about.
Now here is where things got scandalous. It should be said that I don’t act crazy at work unless it’s just a few of my crew & we have some drinks after work in an office on a random Friday. But, I was dancing with married ladies & dipping them across the floor. Before, some of you think this is going somewhere don’t! The husband was nearby totally digging it. If anything they probably had an even better time once they got home alone lol. At one point I may have rolled across a floor & broke out into a dance breakdown. Maybe. My shirt may have come off at some point. Ok, so it did. Luckily there are no pics of this but a certain Creative Director tells me he took a video of it. I haven’t seen it but maybe I should scour youtube for it hmmmm. Anyway, it was a blast that’s for sure. The next morning I was just sure I was going to be embarrassed to see everyone but one by one I was praised & people calling & saying, “Most of the time things with co-workers are lame & people are all shy & you just killed it.” What I killed I am not sure but I do love that I brought some excitement. The head of our production department now refers to me as a rock star & was like ‘I had NO idea you had that in you.’ But those that KNOW me know it was only a small part of how I normally get down. I told him, “It’s either go hard or don’t go at all.” It’s not like I live this way everyday of the week. The whole beginning of the week is spent work, gym, home, watch my shows on tv & then repeat. I rarely even go out for drinks unless it’s someone’s birthday. It just me being chill. But when I’m ready to get down, watch out. Because for you, for me…. I like to make it a FUNHOUSE.
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