The Island of Misfit Boys

If we’re on the Island of Unwanted Toys
We’ll miss all the fun with the girls and the boys
When Christmas Day is here
The most wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful day of the year!

Another year, another Christmas. My sentiments were wake me up when it ends. Not to say I didn’t have a lovely time. Scott & I hightailed it to the Bronx for my friend & co-worker’s Christmas Eve dinner. I had had such a good time there for Thanksgiving & Anabel’s food is amazing so this was sure to be a goodie. When we stepped off the elevator we could hear the sound of loud club beats. Scott & I looked at each other like ‘alright now’. Even though Anabel had never met Scott & I had not met the rest of her family, they welcomed us with huge open arms. We ate & ate & ate some more. My body was like WTF. We also drank a lot but it was one of those rare occasions that since we ate so much we never got drunk. Which was fine because we were in wonderful company. The music blasted from the speakers & it was old club music I hadn’t heard in a long time. It was definitely a dinner I was not used to. I had brought a Xmas cd that I had made & I laughed & told Anabel had I known it would be club beats I would have just made plenty of those cds. We left with full bellies & by the time I got home all I could do was lie on my bed & wait for all the food to digest. I thought about how it’s funny this year families I had not even known had been so open to me. It made me thankful.

On my wall I have some photo’s of me that marked some happy times through my life. Me as a baby laughing at something I’m sure my stuffed animal was telling me. Me on the beach getting my tan when I was probably around 6. Me with my dance troupe when I first came to NYC. Me with my family the first Xmas I had come down from NYC. It was the last time all of us were together & we looked truly happy. My sisters were really young, Auntie M was with her last husband, my mom actually looking happy, my grandma still with us. Had I known then that she would not be here just a few years after I would have probably embraced the moment longer. But that’s just the way it goes I suppose. Flash forward to now & that picture is just a memory. I’ve still not spoken to my mother & still not sure that I could. I suppose I’m still just not ready to make nice. I haven’t heard from my sisters so I don’t know how to take that. I think I speak to my grandfather maybe once a year. At least my aunt & I still have each other. As long as I can remember we have been the black sheep. Bah bah bah is what we’ll keep singing.

Christmas day I woke up & decided that I would spend the day at the movies. I had no other plans so why not? I got in the shower & turned the water on. Seconds go by & it was still freezing cold. Another minute. Well I’ll be damned… happy cold shower Xmas. Luckily, my gym was one of 3 NYSC gyms open. So I went there & decided to work out & get my shower on. I expected it to be empty but it was a lil crowded. Jordan had also decided to come to get his fitness on. I thought kudos to you all but if I didn’t have to be here I wouldn’t. I ended up spending Christmas with Jordan at his apt, the apt I had once lived in. We watched National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation which IS kind of a tradition for me. The old lady never fails to make me laugh & when Randy Quaid’s character say’s ‘The shitter’s full. Merry Xmas!’ always gets a hearty laugh from me as well. We had a lil dinner & listened to music & had some drinks. I was fine until I began to think about my Christmas from 08. A few of us who had no family here got together to have our own little Christmas & we decided to do it at Jason’s. Our little island of misfit boys banded together & had a wonderful time. Had I known that would be my last Christmas with him I would have held onto that moment a little longer. So thinking about that made me a little emotional. I’m always ok until I think about it. I can be the king of locking my feelings away & then I let my guard down & those feelings rush to the surface. I swear I get more emotional as I get older. I guess that’s what life does to you. I was talking with my aunt & we made a pact. This time next year for Xmas we are gonna be together. Somewhere warm would be absolutely perfect. I would like to come back with a tan that’s for sure.

Having time off from work this week is absolutely wonderful. I went out last night which is the first time I’ve been out on a Sunday night since almost a year ago. I normally just have my Chinese & watch my shows. Scott, Sean, Paul, Isaac & I went out to Hiro & had a blast. The music was good & the boys were surely acting like some misfits. I didn’t get home until almost 7 which hasn’t happened in a long, long time. Now I’ll be chilling out until New Year’s Eve. I’m looking forward to it. A new year, the beginning of a new decade. 2009 has been a little rough. I seem to have better times during the even years. SO here’s to this one being better. May you all sip on some champagne or vodka or whatever poison it may be. I will most likely be doing both.