Defining Moments

My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way I’m leaving out today


Throughout life we have defining moments. Things that happen to us where we can instantly go back in time & remember what we were doing at that exact moment. World events, graduating from school, first loves, first kisses….. I could go on & on. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been here in NYC for 9 yrs. So much has happened & so much growth. I was chatting with a friend the other day about how so many people we know have been moving out of the city recently. He said, “Do you think we’re New Yorkers for life?” I said I guess so. There’s not really anywhere else that I think I would move to right now. I think about the friends that I have made while here. Then I think about how so many of them have been leaving. What is that phrase that people say? That some people come into your life for a reason, a season, and then those that stay for life. I’ve definitely experienced all of that. Truthfully, no matter what, I am thankful for it.

Soon, I will be making a return to my home state of NC. It’s been since May 2007 so it is high time I made the trip back. My sister Andrea turns 21 & it’s utterly hard to believe. When I have dreams about my sisters they are always still really young. It’s rather funny that in my dreams with them I am always 10 yrs younger as well. (Somewhere one of my gays is saying out loud mmmhhhmm you wish bitch) It’s like in a way they will always be the little girls I left when I moved from NC to here. It’s always a shock to the system when I see them & they’re all grown up. I’m also looking forward to seeing some old NC friends that I haven’t seen in way too long. Way back in the mid 90’s I was working at my first job. It was at a store called Music Swap. I had been going there for years & each week I would buy the new singles that had come out that week. I would listen to Rick Dees & Casey Kasem’s Top 40 countdowns. I always kept up with what was new & what was hot & what was the current #1 song. A few weeks back I was riding around with Chase & he was listening to a 90’s station on satellite radio. It just so happened to be an old airing of the Rick Dees show. It was like I was transported back to be a kid & in my room listening to the show. So many years later & I was still able to remember what the number one song in America was. Crazy right? It’s like I’m the Rain Man of American Top 40.

While working at Music Swap I met someone who would later become a lifetime friend. All because she needed to order a Pet Shop Boys tape. As it turns out she used to babysit for my best friend’s sister. She ended up becoming one of my best friends. We would go through arguments, through laughs, through many car problems, through moves to different cities to even her being there when I came out. If someone had told me then as a young teen working at Music Swap that she would become someone that I could always count on & someone that I would still be calling every week to gab with I probably would have shrugged it off & been like ok sure. But, through all these years I’m utterly glad that even though I’ve been here in NY I can always count on her to be there when I need her. She’ll be the one who I’ll yell ‘Shuley, I’m a Celebrity get me out of here!’ as we take the 4 hr trip from Elkin to Wilmington in a few weeks. Now, let’s just hope there are NO car troubles & that the sun shines while we get our tan on at the beach. She’s in dire need of some scandal & shenanigans so I’m figuring that I need to bring my NY A game. NC, I hope you’re ready.

Recently, someone that has been in my life off & on for almost 8 yrs moved out of the city for good. We met at a Labor Day party at Webster Hall in 2001. Literally a week before 9/11 went down. I was dancing on top of a box & saw him & for a while I wasn’t sure if he was even gay since he danced like a straight guy. So I sent my friend Krizia over to check for me. Needless to say he played for my team & played for my team he did. At 23 I was utterly in love & to quote Aretha ‘I never loved a man the way I loved you.’ Hell, the lyrics to the song I felt I lived through for years & years. In so many ways he was the Big to my Carrie. Never able to fully commit to a relationship, kept my heart on a string off & on throughout the years & then when he was ready to settle down I was not the one he chose. It was like I had put in all the effort & someone else got the benefits. So for years we would go in between being friends to not speaking to being friends again. Mind you fitting 8 yrs of history in this one paragraph can not be done. But looking back I am glad it happened. At 23 I never thought I would love someone like that. I had had relationships with girls & a few guys but I had not fully put someone else’s needs before my own. If it had not been for Tim I wouldn’t have seen that I do have that in me. He came into my life for a reason & even though he is now gone & out of the country I will still hold him dear to my heart. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll take this show to location Switzerland for a special visit. Sweeps week maybe. I’ll wait till I hear from him & hear how the scene is out there. I always remembered the fact that we here at the same time & it’s funny because now that he’s gone I realize that out of all my friends I’m one of them that has been here the longest.

Being that I have been here so long I have had many, many chances to meet people who are only here for a short time. Many have impacted my life but most recently I think about a friend that came in out of nowhere & then just like that she was gone. It was a night in early December & I had off that Monday. It’s so rare that I go out on Sunday’s since I have to be up so early. I had went out with Chase & some other friends & he had said that a new friend of his was suppose to meet us. He told me a little about her but I didn’t know what she looked like. That night we had had drama with trying to get into this venue & with so much waiting I had gotten bored & was like I should have just stayed home & watched tv. We ended up at Park & was sitting around. I told Chase that I was probably gonna leave when I was done with my drink. I looked up & saw a girl walking around looking a little lost. I thought to myself hmmm I wonder if this is Chase’s friend. She ended up walking right by us & for a second I thought that maybe I should get up & ask her her name. Being that I was semi-bitchy I decided against it. A few minutes passed & I finished my drink so I was gonna say my goodbyes. Then this girl walked back up to us & hugged Chase. Turns out it was Katie & I shouldn’t have been a bitch & stopped her. We chatted for a little bit & she’s like I need to do a shot. I perked up & thought oh my, my kind of girl. She ended up buying me a shot as well & before I knew it I was engrossed in conversation with her. The night had all of a sudden gotten so much better. Just like that we had become fast friends & just like that she found herself to be apart of our group. Over the next few months we experienced a lot of things. Drunken talks about anything & everything while watching award shows, hospital visits, New Years eve, clubbing until all hours….. wow, now that I type it out I could go on & on for days. But my favorite was our trip to Jersey to see the one & only Britney Spears. She had gotten tickets & in our absolute surprise the seats were UH MAY ZING. We were literally right next to the stage & I had an absolute blast. We were rocking out in our Britney tees (me in a tank obvi) & dancing up a storm. A few weeks after the concert there was a very unfortunate fire at her house. She was ok but all her stuff was gone. We took it as a sign that maybe it was time for her to leave NY. Then just as quick as she came in she rolled out. She was literally here for a season & even though it was a short time I had a wonderful time with her. She’s now in Seattle where she has met new gays & she’s happy with the life she is creating there. She’s even apparently met another cute gay Nick. It makes me giggle & I know she’ll not be surprised to hear me say that it must be nice but no one can do it like me! Katie when you hear If U Seek Amy you better not substitute the new Nick for the old one. I have that ish copyrighted.

It’s the defining moments like these that makes me think about how some people are here in NY for a quick season. Some people are here to accomplish something & then move on and then some are here for a lifetime. It makes me wonder what the future holds in store for me & will I still be here 9 years from now. No one knows I guess but I’ll just keep doing me & let life lead me where I need to go.