The Decade of Decadence Chapter 4: Happiness/Sorrow

What I remember most about the first few months of 2008 was me pounding pavements. Being that things didn’t end horribly with Jordan & I, there wasn’t a complete rush for me to find a place. I think I checked out places all over Manhattan. The East Village, Hell’s Kitchen, West Village, Chelsea, Gramercy, Midtown…. I even hiked my ass up to Inwood. At one point I lost my phone on the train. The amount of pills I was having to take was still a lot. I had been hoping that they could have tapered off. In fact I was hoping that I would just be Super Man & all the headaches & everything that went with it would stop. I was back at the gym & shedding the pounds that I had put on due to one of the meds. I felt like I was constantly looking forward to something being checked off the list. Get better, find the right apt, get moved, get situated, get happy. I’m such an inpatient person & I swear it must be one of those things that God is trying to teach me. Then, right before the end of March I came across an apt in HK on 56th. It was a converted 2 bedroom which meant there was no living room. One guy was moving out (hot guy named Pablo) while the other (Italian straight & reserved Andrea) was staying. The rent was right in my budget & I could move in asap. Next thing you know I had an army of gays helping me pack & move my stuff from Jordan’s place. I was so incredibly happy to have found something I liked & for the guy to not seem crazy. I had already done that as we all remember. As I gave the keys I had to Jordan there was a long moment of sadness. As I walked away I realized that so many dynamics would change. It was time for something officially new.

For months I had not been able to drink & being Sober Sister Sally was not easy. I saw things through Ej’s eyes for once. A week or so after I had moved I had another MRI. This one I was really nervous for. The one before it hadn’t shown much progress but the tumor had been removed. All my fear went away when the Dr showed me the results. Things looked much better than the previous one from 3 months before. I would just have to continue MRI’s every year to make sure all was well. Also, I was going to come off my seizure medication. All was going to be right in Nick Padron’s world. I remember my friends & I had a little countdown to when I could drink again. We went to Arriba Arriba for my first drink… a massive margarita. After a few sips I was definitely tipsy. It’s funny how much one’s tolerance can go down after not drinking for 6 months.

Those first few months found me getting to see my favorite artists. I got to meet Janet Jackson at a cd signing for ‘Discipline’. The moment had happened much like the one I had with Kylie in 2002. Stand in line, have cd, meet the star, say a few things, get your cd signed & then get the fuck out. I was ecstatic when Janet told me I was so cute. I’ll never forget that. At the end of April was the big one. Madonna was gonna do a mini concert at Roseland which was just a few blocks from my new apartment. It was quite the experience. I got in line after work with Vadim, Scott & John & prepared to stay there for the next 13 hrs. Over that time frame we met tons of other fun people & more of our friends came so we could get the bracelet that would allow us in to see our pop Icon. At points we would hear her rehearsing. Towards the end of the night the whole crowd got the pleasure of her driving by in her limo with the window down saying hello. When she got by us she said I’ll see you tomorrow night, looking right at John & I. I shit you not. John can attest to it. For what seemed days later we waited until the morning & got our bracelet. Some of us went to work, some of us took a few hrs to sleep. But we all knew we had to be back at a certain time to get another place in line. By the time that happened I had managed to get a better spot than before & by the time they let us in I managed to get close to the stage. When she came out I was pushed even further to the front. The experience was amazing. Joyous, screaming at the top of my lungs, sweaty. You would think I was talking about sex. This was 10 times better. A week later I got up early in the morning to go see Mariah at the Today show. She didn’t disappoint either. A little bit of diva antics, good vocals, & looking like she was on Fiyah! I’ve always loved how she always has help down the stairs. Diva overloaded, I was ready for summer so I could be with my boys…. meet some boys & get a little rowdy.

There were trips to Fire Island & me finally & fully able to enjoy myself. Pride came & we all came out in full force. Even though it rained we didn’t let it get us down. I missed the big storm because I was up in Jason’s office hanging. The whole day was pretty fun until the end. It was the straw that broke the camels’ back with Vadim & Jason. They had been on a tightrope for sometime but I think this when the friendship ended. An uncomfortable scenario all around I had to leave when I got a call from Jordan. His bubby had passed away & he wasn’t dealing with it well. I went to go be with him. I remembered what it felt like when mine passed & I was alone. Even though we weren’t together it felt ok to still lean on each other.

By the time Nickakah rolled around I had a plan for every single day. I was going to attack 30 with every fiber of hotness I had in me. A trip to 6 Flags, a trip to Fire Island for the Pines Party, dancing at all of my favorite clubs with my boys & girls, a performance at Therapy complete with a glass being thrown at a tranny next to me. We even ended it with a brunch with too many cocktails (of course) It was probably one of the best birthdays I have ever had. During that time I found my love for a new singer named Lady Gaga. She had performed at some of everywhere. I liked her talent & thought this girl is definitely my favorite new artist. That girl is going places! She completed the list of female singers I had met that year when I saw her at Hammerstein Ballroom. Her performance was crazy & complete with her crowd diving. I had an amazing time.

Halloween was spent as a blonde wrestler. We were all over the streets in full force & the night ended up at a Madonnathon. The election was soon after & history was made. As excited as I was for who won I was slapped in the face the next day when Proposition 8 was passed as well. There were also a bunch of lay offs at my job. Luckily, I was fine considering I’m the only person who does my job. But for everyone else times were not so pretty. I had about 15 friends that were laid off. Shuley, Tommy, Jason…. so many found themselves jobless & not sure what to do. By Christmas I had once again decided to stay in NYC & for this one it was a small & intimate dinner at Jason’s. Since the whole Pride debacle some friends were divided but I decided I wanted to spend it with him. Dinner was amazing because he cooked it. Once again, I supplied wine. Not the best of cooks mind you. Then again, I think everyone knows that. I spent New Years with Jason & some more friends. A drunken time was had by all & it found me out until 7 am.

2009 was not so divine. I spent the first few months forever plagued by my tonsils. It would get better & then somehow 2 weeks later they would get worse. I was ready to have them ripped out even though the dr didn’t advice that. A major highlight was seeing Britney Spears very up close & personal at her concert. The Pussycat Dolls opened up for her (all 20 of them lol). Through all the sickness I managed to make it for birthdays galore. Then in March I got sequestered to be a grand juror for the whole month of April. Talk about a pain in the ass. I was able to be at work for half the day & then I had to haul my ass down to court & sit & listen to cases & then decide if it was worthy to go onto trial. I sat right in front & like always I found myself falling asleep if I have to listen to someone monotone for too long. Some cases were terrible but then some were just straight up boring. I squeezed in another Gaga show & by this time she had definitely blown up. I was so proud. I saw En Vogue, some ladies I used to love in the 90’s, with Scott. At both shows I found myself incredibly close to the stage which is just the way I like it.

By summer, I was once again prepared for boys & booze & shenanigans. Nothing much is memorable enough to discuss. It was the events of my NC trip that has to this day left a bad taste in my mouth. It was wonderful seeing my sisters, Shuley, my friend Lisa, Wilmington peeps, & re-bonding with peeps from high school. Like I said, always an amazing time with them. My friends have truly become a substitute for family. Especially when you family become retarded. I had not even been down in NC for 24 hrs & my mother caused a scene & in her angry rant(s) said that I should have died after my surgery. I have not spoke with her since. I have always tried to be a positive person so moving right along once again Nickakah came along & I had an awesome time. I decided to take Nickakah on the road. Well basically the train & ferry to Fire Island. I spent the whole week there in a house through my friend Rob & Brad. It was like a gay frat house & everyone running around in hardly any clothes. By the end of the week I had hooked up with the 2 members of the house that I had not known. I know this may sound a little slutty but in pales in comparison to all of the other trysts throughout the years.

In the time after things calmed down. Not by choice. One of those last few moments that were fun were when Erick & Jason & I hung out before heading to a club. Jason had been jobless still for months & couldn’t afford to stay here in the city so he decided to take his dog Gem upstate to stay with his cousin. He had left shortly after his bday in May. There had been a joint celebration since Erick & his bday are around the same time. We had a great time so us being able to get together again was nice. I noticed it looked like he had been losing weight & he exclaimed he had not been able to keep weight on. He said he was kind of worried but not incredibly worried about it. Besides, not having health insurance makes it incredibly pricey to go see the dr. I had health insurance for all my brain tumor stuff & I’m still to this day getting bills for it. Absolutely sucks.

One Friday night, Jaime’s bday to be exact, I decided to come home & chill & not go out after hanging with Jaime for a few hrs. I slept a few hrs & then around 3 I woke up feeling disoriented & my arms in pain. I went to the bathroom & looked in the mirror. They weren’t dislocated but I couldn’t shake that something was wrong. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I had a seizure in my sleep. My thought turned out to be right. As I waited for the MRI results fears came rushing back to me. I was not prepared to do all of this again. It’s one thing when you go through it but to have it as a possibility that something may have grown back is even scarier. After the MRI I was told it was scar tissue. I had no idea that this could happen. The dr hadn’t told me this could happen. It felt like I needed to be put on an alert chart. I was put back on seizure medication. There was this massive bruise on my arm that I think I had for about a month. The positive with this medication was that I done my homework. You could drink with this one.

Determined not to keep a good bitch down I went to see Kylie & in true form I rushed my ass to the front. The concert was amazing & had me in a high. I also attended the Divas Live show with my friend Chase. You could see us throughout the whole show while we were dancing in the pit. Me, not being able to properly raise my arms because they were still in pain, & Chase because he is so damn tall. I also attended the Pink concert which was awesome. This also found the time for me to be cast in a commercial that I had yet to see. Feeling unfulfilled with work & missing what I had originally set out to do when I came here I went to a casting agency. That’s how I got the commercial. It was a long day & I was reminded of how long shoots & stuff could be. I didn’t mind. It was better than being at a job I was completely bored with.

November rolled around & I had been trying to get a hold of Jason. He had gotten sicker & had been in the hospital a few times. As far as I knew he had been released. I knew he was terrible about returning phone calls so I finally called & left a message. ”I guess you’re dead since you can’t call a bitch back! Seriously call me because we need to go see a 2-4-1 this Saturday.” Still no word & I went on to the movies. I can’t even remember what I saw. What I will always remember is being at work & having my phone ring & it was a number I didn’t recognize so I didn’t answer. The voicemail was from Jason’s cousin Jerry asking for me to call him back. When I did he told me that Jason had passed away the night before in the hospital. I think I went through a state of shock. I was standing outside of St. Patrick Cathedral with people walking by me. It felt like everything just kind of stopped. It was like the whole world was whizzing around me & I was in a haze. When it stopped I felt tears down my cheek that I couldn’t stop. Jason was one of the most important people in the world to me. First real boyfriend, life-long friend. You hear people say a phrase like ‘So & so is in my thoughts everyday.’ There is not one day that goes by that I don’t think about him.

The holidays were not easy because I was in a depressed state. Ej & a few others managed to get me to go out a little. But it’s so easy to mask a smile & pretend you’re having a good time. I think over the years I’ve semi-mastered it. I was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner with my friend Anabel & her family. It was such a nice time she invited me again for Christmas Eve dinner. She has taken me in as if I was her own. It was a nice feeling. I thought about how I spent the previous one with Jason. Instead of being depressed about it I tried to think about how wonderful it was to have the time with him. I try to take solace in that & just know that I will see him again. It doesn’t change the fact that I still miss him everyday. He’s in my thoughts a little extra this week because it would be his 30th birthday this week.

TO BE CONCLUDED