Blame It On the Never Ending Birthdays

I’ve been gone for a minute but now I’m back with the jump off. I’m so 3008 but my blogs have been so 2000 & late! So, so, so much to discuss but at this point it’s like my first time so we’re gonna have to take it gently. I had meant to discuss a lot of things in March & then found myself not having the time. Then something happened that I was definitely NOT prepared for. Right at the end of March I found out I was gonna have to serve on a grand jury. What is a grand jury you ask? Well let me tell you because I certainly had no idea what it was. I thought it was just like any other jury & that I’d get off after a few days or a week even. I had served back in August of 2003 during the blackout & that lasted all of 5 days. Quick & over. Imagine my surprise when they said that we would all be there for 4 weeks. I would still be able to go to work during the day but then I would have to report to jury duty form 2-5 pm. Work had a shit fit but there was nothing that could be done. I was told it was my civic duty. You know who else’s civic duty it is? All my frickin friends who have lived here as well & have NEVER been called. I’ve been here in NYC for 9 yrs & this is my 2nd time. By the end of my term I was trying to do a refer a friend program. The gym gives you $50 credit if you refer a friend. Too bad the government doesn’t because I could be loaded by all the friends of mine who have never had to do this shizz!

Many people would ask what kind of case I was on but that’s the thing….. being a grand juror means you hear different cases every single day. Your job is to decide if the case has enough evidence to go to trial. Mostly the cases were boring & I found myself drifting off to sleep all the time. In my defense, I have a short attention span & sitting for long periods of time listening to mono-tone voices will surely put anyone to sleep. There were a few cases that were actually good & I couldn’t believe some of the stuff people were doing. Guilty, guilty, ghetto bitches does come to mind when thinking of some people. One defendant came in to plead his case & if anything he made it worse just by opening his mouth. He had been accused of holding up 3 teens & robbing them at gun point. Later he was arrested & been picked out in the line up by the teens. He still claimed his innocence. His testimony went something like this:

Yo I don’t know why I’m here. It’s whatever, I didn’t do it. I was up in Brooklyn with my girl all weekend fo realz. Yo I didn’t leave all weekend. It’s whatever whatever.

The assistant district attorney then brought up how the defendants mother lived near the incident & showed further evidence that he was in the area visiting his mother. Dude makes an incriminating face & continues to go on a rant where he ends each sentence with it’s whatever. I kid you not, he said whatever 132 times. I started counting because I was so incredibly bored of his crazy, guilty ass that could’t speak proper english. What I found interesting was certain members of the jury who didn’t want to vote yes for a trial because they didn’t think there was enough evidence. Half the time it was like, “Biiiiittttchhh, please! Are you not hearing the same things I’m hearing?” Many cases seem to be about people selling crack or coke or heroin. One day I joked to the room that today’s cases were brought to us by the letter C & the color white. Now can you tell me how to get…. how to get off the crack street?

All jokes aside there were a few cases that were a lil rough to sit through just because it was definitely no fun & games. More like fun & drunken games gone terribly wrong. It reminded me why I don’t like to watch cop shows or Law & Order or any show like that. I’ll take my Dancing with old bitches, gossip whores, NBC comedies, ABC dramas & VH1 reality crap shows where people love money any day of the week. They’re wonderful ways to take your mind off of the REAL real world drama. (Like this swine flu shizz. Good grief I didn’t even know about it this time last week & now it’s all over the news!) So last Friday was wonderful knowing that my term had come to an end & my life could get back to somewhat normal.

Well as normal as one can be when you hang with my crew. January, February & March have always been months where I knew I was gonna be b’day’d to death. But, my oh my…. let me find out I need to add April to that list. Even since I last blogged in February I’ve been a part of countless b’days. Weekend after weekend there’s been cake, drinks, cupcakes, drinks, chips, drinks, dips, drinks & oh did I say drinks? Each b’day party had some memorable moments for sure. Chase’s always involves some hot places to get your dance on. Vadim is like a sure thing. Drunken good times with your besties at Pyramid & Splash. Although as I sit here trying to remember certain moments, I can’t think of any. I’ll just blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah alcohol. For Benjamin’s we showed up to one bar & then had our own lil mini pride walk to the next club while taking over the streets of downtown. Quite fabulous & it gave me ideas for my own b’day in a few months. Hanging out with Shawn D is always a wonderful time & I wish we could do it more often. At his I found myself posing with twinks, hotties & drag queens. Oh MY! Recently, at my boo Tasia’s I found myself traveling to Brooklyn for the evening. I had supplied the music which was of course uh-may-zing! I even found myself stuck chatting with her semi quasi bf. He was ok until he kept wanting to play maudlin, boring music from the university station. I was like eh! What is it about college & cry baby music? (Mad props to the readers if you know that quote) But seriously, I can be mean about him now since he became a total douche & decided to break up with my boo over a text! Who the hell does that? Grow a pair & get over yourself.

I even got to see my beautiful blonde counterpart from NC for a hot NY minute while she visited on her b’day. Adrienne, how I miss you already & I promise I’m gonna get down to NC soon. For Matt B’s last week he had a lovely raffle for all his guests who could win adorable little prizes. Poor Scott couldn’t even win one of those. Don’t feel bad though Scott, the last lotto I was in I won but it was to be a fricking juror for 4 months. Matt also had baked these tasty, tasty cupcakes for everyone & I know I had at least 3. Which is not something I normally do in front of people but in my defense I was HONGRY! It was sooo good I found myself leaving with 3 that were left in a tinfoil tray. Please picture this as I was parading up 9th avenue in the rain with cupcakes. As a guy walked by me looking up & down he goes, “Oooo nice cupcakes.” Which made me giggle. Without skipping a beat, I smiled & turned in a circle as if I was working the runway & then went about my way. Giving it to the fans never seems to have a day off but I had to make it home in time for American Idol. Which has been pretty good I have to say. If America can vote for a black president then surely we can have a gay American Idol. Raise up queen! You got this!!!

Since I didn’t hit you up with a blog in March I wasn’t able to do a top 10 list so now I’m gonna hit up with an extended one for April. Some of it I can’t believe I like but somehow it penetrated my ears & got me jamming. Enjoy & I promise to blog so much more soon!

1. Love & Sex & Magic/Ciara & Justin Timberlake

2. Halo/Beyonce

3. Jai Ho/The Pussycat Dolls

4. Boom Boom Pow/Black Eyed Peas

5. Right Round/Flo Rida feat. Keshia

6. Ride My Tempo/Ida Corr

7. Poker Face(acoustic version)/Lady GaGa

8. Blame It/Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain

9. Day N’ Nite/Kid Cudi

10. I Do Not Hook Up/Kelly Clarkson

11. The Climb/Miley Cyrus

12. Knock You Down/Keri Hilson, Kanye West & Ne-Yo

13. Now I’m That Bitch/Livvi Franc

14. Love Takes Over/David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland

15. Give It To Me Right/Melanie Fiona

16. Not Fair/Lily Allen

17. T.O.N.Y./Solange Knowles

18. I’m Not Alone/Calvin Harris

19. Change/Daniel Merriweather feat. Wale

20. Takin’ Back My Love/Enrique Iglesias feat. Ciara