Dirty, Flirty & 30

Nickakah came, saw, & conquered. I've finally gathered up some sleep & can put together the memories of what was one of the most fun weeks I had in quite some time. I started off celebrating by going to 6 Flags with Larry, Ej & Jeremy. Larry almost wasn't able to get in because his shirt was deemed offensive. It said 'Rick Said Good Evening Bitches'. Mind you I don't see how this should be offensive but it's hard to offend me. What WAS offensive were the prices for food. $17 for a small burger & small fries & a drink? Now that's offensive bitches! I also couldn't help but think that the next time I go I'll rock the Flash Pass. Without it you just stand in lines waiting & waiting & any one who knows me, knows how much I HATE to wait. As we were waiting for one ride, a conductor in the most monotone voice ever would finish her spiel by saying, "This will change your life." After hearing that at least 15 times I was ready to let her know that it BETTER change my life. This was a water ride & I had been wanting to ride it for hours because it was so hot outside. By the time it was over I felt like I had been spritzed & Ej walked away soaked. Clearly that ride did not change my life. After all was said & done, I had my most fun on the tea cups. I had that thing spinning round & round & faster then any one else's. I felt like I was getting an arm & ab workout & then trying to walk off of it, I felt like I was drunk. A workout with a shot of a buzz? Clearly the one for me. The next day I got myself up to go to Fire Island. It should be noted that I should have known how it was going to go when I got on the train & then the conductor told at least 20 of us to take another train. As I got on I thought something about this doesn't seem right. Turns out I was right. He had sent us on the wrong train so I then had to switch at another stop just to go back to my original stop. It ended up taking me 4 hrs to get out there. The rest of the trip had similar craziness but I wasn't surprised. The actual Pines Party that I went to was tons of fun & I had a blast dancing for hours with all my boys. Jordan had managed to get Chase & I in for free as long as we worked for a few hours. We were security. Now, Chase as security I can totally see. As for me, not so much. But being this was with the gays we didn't have to worry about fights, just blow jobs in corners & extra curricular activities. All the while I still managed to have a drink in my hands & in my book that is a wonderful way to work security. Once it was over, in true Nick out to Fire Island form it rained. I can never seem to make it out there for actual sun. It's a good thing I have other ways to tan here in the city. By Monday I decided I needed to just go to work & then to dance class. I knew that I was going to need all the sleep I could get for the next 6 days of Nickakah.

Tuesday night was the official kick off to all things ME. I decided to go to Pieces & do a little karaoke. It was a lovely way to start. The drag queen decided that it would be a good idea for me to take off my shirt after I sang Tears Dry On Their Own. I said no. She said, "Take it off." I said, "What do I get for it?" She said, "Drink tickets." That seemed reason enough for me & after that she also let my friend Krista get up & sing some Janis Joplin without putting a slip in. Ahhh, the things I do for friends & drink tickets. Seen at the kick off: Scott, Larry, Ej, Nicole, Jeremy, Chase, Gilbert, Lil Tom, Jon & with a very special guest appearance by Vadim. All day long he had been telling me he was too tired to make it. He had even done a fake call at 10 pm saying he was going to sleep. So imagine my shock when I saw Basic Trash make his way through the crowd. It was a great way to kick things off & I had a blast with all my peeps.


I’ve had a little bit too much
All of the people start to rush. Start to rush by.
How does he twist the dance?
Can’t find my drink oh man.
Where are my keys, I lost my phone.
What’s go-ing out on the floor?
I love this record baby, but I can’t see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what’s the name of this club?
I can’t remember but it’s alright, alright.


Wednesday was my last day of work for the week & I decided that night I would usher in 30 by entering in a talent competition at Therapy for their Cattle Call night hosted by Peppermint Gummybear. Yes, she's a drag queen for those that don't know. I told only a few people because this was my first time performing in front of people for quite some time & my nerves were getting the best of me. The place was packed & when my name was called first I wanted to throw up a little. To add there were 2 other people there celebrating their bdays as well. I was like these bitches are stealing my thunder! But, as soon as I got on the stage & a light shun on me.... I felt back in my element. I performed Fever which was always a Greatest Hit for me so to speak. People yelled & hollered & during a key moment of the song Peppermint came over & helped rip my shirt open, then proceeded to rub what I swear felt like Crisco on my chest. The crowd roared & I ate it up. Those other bday bitches weren't gonna steal this thunder now! After me were 2 other guys. One sang a....uhhhh....(think of something nice to say)....neat version of I am Changing from Dreamgirls. The other had a guitar & sang something that I couldn't make out. It was slow & draggy & then I heard my friend say, "At least you kept people watching you!" It didn't get better after that because it was then a black guy in a wig doing his best uh errr drag. I could have done a better job but once again, if I can't say anything nice then I won't say anything at all. As we moved on to the next, it was Angelique Ali. I've heard her out & about for years & she's famous in the scene. I was fully prepared to come in 2nd to her. She has an amazing voice & sounds like Deborah Cox. She came out in an evening gown which just added to her fabulousness. Oh & I should add, she is trannylicious. That's right, when she speaks she's got this low low tone to her voice and a penis. Penis or no penis, she sang & brought the house down. Scott looked at me & tapped me on the shoulder & said, "At least you'll get 2nd." Then the last performer came out on the stage & was ummm either a girl dressed as a man or a really, really odd looking midget man. IT got on stage & sang something that sounded like 5 rats fighting over a piece of cheese & then did a 'performance piece' to Breakin Dishes (which is one of my favorite Rihanna songs). Then IT threw out paper plates during the chorus & I couldn't watch it anymore. Seriously, was this entertainment? Imagine my utter shock when we got on stage & it came down between IT & Angelique. Apparently IT had a lot of friends to show up & cheer IT on. I had barely told people because I was worried I may suck. Guess I should have made that the kick off. Then in a very shocking moment while we were standing on stage, these 2 guys sitting near us got into a bitch fight. Next thing you know I hear yelling & glasses flying. Literally, bitches were breakin dishes up in there! A piece came to the stage & hit Angelique in the forehead. She fell back against me & I thought, "Tranny down! Tranny down! I need back up!" Guess I was gonna be security after all. Things were finally composed & they were escorted out & the winner was announced to be IT. Honestly, I can't remember the name so I called it IT. I then joked that Angelique & I lost to Pat from SNL! She thought it was funny & then she asked me where she knew me from. The guy with the guitar then said it as well & added, "I feel like I should know you because you're famous or something." I joked that if I was indeed famous then I would NOT be opening for IT/Pat. I then said I would open for Angelique any time & she raised her eyebrow & smiled. Uh oh clearly she took that not the way I intended. So then it was back to hanging with my friends who had showed up to see me. Seen: Scott, Daniel, Ricardo, their friend whose name eludes me right now, Ej, Sean, Mickey & Nico.

I woke up late Thursday morning & thought about how now I was officially in the 30's club. I decided I needed to go downtown & do some shopping. I tried on jeans & got all excited to know that waist 30 fit me & my ass perfectly. The shirts fit me perfectly & showed off the perky busoms just the way they should. If this is how 30 looks then 30 looks good bitches. My ego was stroked tremendously when I told the salesgirl it was my bday & she asked how old I was turning. I told her 30 & she looked shocked. She exclaimed that I looked 25. I said thank you & beamed with excitement. That night I invited a few peeps over for bday cake. (Not too much, how else do you think I stay like this?) I welcomed gifts from Ej, Larry & Jordan & we had some drinks before we went to the Ritz. Seen: Ej, Larry, Jordan, Scott, Vadim, Big Tom, Tommy & John. Then we all went to Ritz without Big Tom because he was a tired, tired man. At first there was no one at Ritz but my friends which felt nice. Dj Danny played music that only we wanted to hear & Vadim said, "Oh no! Your bday is turning into just what mine had! No one comes!" He seemed more upset then I was because he was living vicariously through Nickakah. Someone would say Happy Bday Nick & he would say thank you. Just when we thought there would be no crowd Natasha aka Jackee Star Jones came into the room. Rocking a new wig & mad Bday love she worked the stairs. Before I knew it, I turned around & the room was filled. I was working the fan, Nicole was spinning around & Vadim was happy his vicarious bday was gonna be a success. Dj Danny even gave me a bday shout over the mic & I jumped up & down. Seen: Billy & his bf John, Dennis, Jason, Russell Murray, Colin aka Fake Billy, other people I'm forgetting now but you have all my love. At one point in the night this guy came up to me & said, "I love your films." I felt puzzled. How did he know where to look out for me in Glitter or the other movie that no one saw called New Best Friend. So I said, "What are you talking about?" "Your films! I get off to you all the time." Then it hit me! "Ummm, I don't do porn." He looked shocked & then said, "Whatever, I know it's you. You just don't what everyone to know & say something to you." He then turned away & went back to his friends. I thought it was funny how apparently everyone is sure I'm famous in one way or another. I went back to dancing & then Danny played something like Britney or something sexy & I found myself doing a danceoff with Jackee Star Jones. I started dancing all sexually suggestive with myself & then the dude came back to me & said, "Ok you're gonna dance like that & say you DON'T do porn? Right!" Shortly after I met a guy who was flirting with me & then I decided to take him home. That's right I was going to have a bizzniss associate after all. I thought, "Hey! It's my bday! I should get some bday sex out of it." Everything seemed nice until he decided to talk. He was from California & had this surfer way of speaking. Which I can be fine with but it must be said, I'm not much of a talker during sexy times. Don't tell me what you're gonna do, don't give me a dramatic monologue, just do it. Honestly, it felt like a bad porn & being that I was just told I did porn this was not helping. He then says, "Awww seriously.... this ass is hot." All of a sudden I flashed to the conductor at 6 Flags with the monotone voice & thought, "This ass will change your life." Which proceeded to put me in a fit of giggles. Which must have not helped his ego. Needless to say not the sexiest of times was had.


Wish I could shut my playboy mouth.
How’d I turn my shirt inside out? Inside out babe.
Control your poison babe
Roses have thorns they say.
And we’re all gettin’ hosed tonight.
What’s go-ing out on the floor?
I love this record baby, but I can’t see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what’s the name of this club?
I can’t remember but it’s alright, alright.


Friday ended up being a small crew of us going to Pyramid. A few peeps flaked out but don't worry, I still got mad love for you Jackie & Shaq. Chip who we refer to as Uncle Fester even changed up his mix tape & threw in some 80's jams I haven't heard in ages. Sheena Easton's Strut had me doing JUST that. We had our own highlights of the night by changing the words to Papa Don't Preach. But, my highlight was Scott & I using a very long piece of fabric to do a dance that was So You Think Can Dance Mia Michael's contemporary worthy. Normally my grooves are premeditated but this dance fully had him & I creating on the spot. It was fabu. Seen: Scott, Larry, Vadim, Ej, Andy, Kevi Kev, his friend Wayne & Jeremy

Saturday was meant to be spent at the Pier but the rain canceled out that plan. Instead Larry, Scott & I decided to do my double feature plan of seeing 2 movies for the price of 1. We watched The Dark Knight which I found to be entertaining but not as great as everyone has hyped it up to be. Heath was good as the Joker but really? Oscar worthy? Hmmmm. Maybe I'll have to watch it again to fully GET it but not any time soon. We then watched Mamma Mia. The best singer was the girl from Mean Girls. Who know! Screw Lindsay Lohan trying to release a hot song. Someone sign this girl up! Meryl was good & gave a good performance especially during the Winner Takes It All. Christine Baranski & the other lady playing her friend was wonderful. I could have done without Pierce & his singing. I felt like he was yelling at me. All in all the experiences were good but honestly & it must be said..... do not bring your baby to the movies! This couple in front of me in the Dark Knight drove us nuts with their loud ass baby! Then in Mamma Mia these 2 teenage girls sitting a few seats down from me were driving me crazy talking about random high school shit. OMFG I AM getting old, teenage girls are driving me crazy! So other then that we had a nice time. Double features is fun & it's the only way I like to watch movies. It's a bit of a commitment though. 6 hours in a movie theater can make your ass sore! Later, Vadim had a save the animals meeting he had to do in Union Sq & Scott & I decided to have some pre drinks before we went to Splash. Tons of fun was had & we danced our asses off & Scott & I even re-enacted out string dance. It wasn't as great as the night before due to the fact that we had limited space. But either way we gave it to the fans! Seen: Scott, Vadim, Nicole, Rob, Brad, Jude, Frank, Matt B, Chase, Lil Tom, Erick, Erica, Kevin M & Dennis. At the end of the night Scott ended up staying with me. I wanted to make sure he would be on time for brunch & not accidentally sleep through it. I asked for a hot man in my bed & instead I get Scott! Just kidding Scott. We had a nice time & watched Sordid Lives on Logo & then finally went to sleep.

Sunday was a gathering at HK for brunch. As I have stated before, when we do brunch we do it right. Drinking mimosa's & bellini's for hours upon hours. Vadim, Scott, Larry, Ej, Nathan, Tasia, Pricilla & I had a lovely time. Discussing all the events of Nickakah & how next year Vadim is going to celebrate his bday as well during Nickakah. Which I will not be having, This was the first year where I was constantly hearing it was someone's bday as well. It was really odd. There were the 2 at Therapy & then just walking around the street I would hear convo's about so & so's bday. Either way no one stole my thunder. There were some people that I expected a little more from. I'll not name any names & it's not like I should be incredibly shocked due to the past circumstances. It just makes me that more thankful for the people I did have. Which is why I try to celebrate as much as possible because I know other people have things to do. But seriously, when you can't make at least ONE event? That's seriously putting you in the DTM category. Now, I'm sure there will be some people reading this & there are a few people I knew had stuff going on so i understand. I'm not that selfish. As for the others ooooo my memory is long, very, very long. Unless I have been drinking. What definitely HAS to be said is there was one person who made every single event.... Scott. I realize I celebrate for days & I also realize not everyone can keep up with me.


Don't stop me now, don't need to catch my breath
I can go on and on and on
When the lights go down and there's no one left
I can go on and on and on


So Scott big ups to you for Giving it 2 me for each & every single event. I definitely owe you the best of me. Thank goodness your bday is still some time away so I can fully rest for it lol. And many, many thanks to all my ladies & gents who showed just how much love they have for me. Vadim, my Basic Trash Pencil Buddy work that couture. Larry, 7 yrs & still offensive & going strong. I wouldn't have it any other way. Ej, forever having a new scheme. As for this no sex thing? Well you still have another month so I'll try to have enough for the both of us. I would add more here but it would just make this blog longer & I know how much you guys hate to read too much. I still would like to use a blog to reflect upon the 20's but as for now here's hello to my 30's. Are you ready bitches?


Just dance. Gonna be okay.
Da-da-doo-doo
Just dance. Spin that record babe.
Da-da-doo-doo
Just dance. Gunna be okay.
Duh-duh-duh
Dance. Dance. Dance. Ju-ju-ju-just dance.